I haven’t really run since my last ankle sprain which coincidentally was the first day of this blog. So while my blog cut-line includes running with a sprightly dog, I have not been participating in such acts on a regular basis. In this entry I explore why and try to convince myself that it is A) OK and B) something I need to pick back up ASAP.

I am a certain kind of runner. When I am training for something, I am all business and rarely miss a day in my schedule. I have been running since I was a kid. I ran competitively in high school. I was always good at it but one of the slowest of the good ones. I like to have fun. I don’t force it if I don’t feel it and will sometimes opt to stay in the garden rather than lace up my shoes and head out. However, once I am out, I will not stop no matter how horrendous I feel.

At one time I could run a 5:50 mile. Now if I break 9 I am psyched. I can run forever–I always joke that my 10K pace is the same as my marathon pace. But I think part of this is that I am afraid that if I try to be faster I won’t be able to and then I will have failed. I know I can run any distance so my goals always teeter between being a running Purist (running to feel my breath and my body move, unaware of time splits) and a running Competitor (obsessively noticing that I am 10 seconds behind usual when I reach the spot by the Loyola High School football field.)

So I have not been feeling it. I was training for the Missoula half marathon or at least promising myself I would start training for it and then thought I might look and feel kinda funny running with a 4 month prego belly. So I halfway abandoned the idea until my midwife said I should go for it and just listen to myself and respond accordingly. Seems like logical advice but honestly–and this is where the Competitor takes over (my friends never want to play board games with me)–I think I might have a hard time walking or even slowing down in a race.

So I think I need to cultivate the Purist in my running self. Running is a lot like gardening and making art. I start out with a goal in mind, feel my way through it, usually adjusting the goal a bit and end up with a tangible, satisfying result. I will run in the morning.