I see dead house plants.

So what gives man. I mean, I thought I had a green thumb and then I can’t even keep a cactus alive. Succulents are supposed to be easy. I would rather keep orchids.

I have no idea how to diagnose indoor plants. Give a tomato with a cracked stem or an aster with a fungus and I’m all over it. But, this. Seriously. How do I figure out what happened here? Some sort of bacterial or fugal issue. But it didn’t show any signs. It just lost its erection for no reason. Maybe it was exhausted with the contemporary pressures of being a phallus.

At first I thought my plants cried because we moved and they didn’t like it but now they have had plenty of time to adjust and I don’t really want plants that can’t tough it out. I am not one of those gardeners that will dig a spider plant out of a college kid’s apartment dumpster and bring it home to see if I can nurse it back to health.

About eight years ago, Andy fell in love with this big, beautiful, twenty-year-old jade. He would prune it meticulously and read about succulent care and wouldn’t let anyone else water it. I found this to be so hot because he has never been aroused at all by plants and he married a huge garden dork who is turned on by the meristematic region and soil microbial activity.

The jade lived at his mom’s house when we were in college and didn’t fare so well in the transport to our house. Sadly, this is the once beautiful jade after I cut off anything that could survive:

The other parts aren’t worth photographing. The pathetic buds are in a tiny pot struggling to spawn and I am hopeful that by the time bug graduates from high school, the plant will be back in its prime. OK, so maybe there is a little bit of that nurturing, loving, save-a-spider-plant in me.

6 Responses to I see dead house plants.

  1. TC says:

    Oh my! what a sad lookin cactus. Are you sure it wasn’t over-watered? It kinda looks like it might have root rot from excessive moisture.

    I’d say the jade should survive, it appears to have new growth.

    You have a very pleasing blog; both to the ear (i.e., your writer’s voice) and the eye (your photos).

    You mentioned “hardy zinnias,” are you saying your zinnias reseed?

    Are you a writer? What I mean is, do you write for compensation? Perhaps freelance or other?

    Your Montana gardening zone bears some resemblance to ours here in western PA (zone 5b).

  2. Wendy says:

    I’m much more of an outdoor gardener myself. However, orchids are actually fairly easy. They are practically the only houseplant that are still alive here.

    An yah, that’s the saddest looking cactus I’ve ever seen. Good luck.

  3. Joan says:

    Ya that poor Jade. Andy loved that plant. Whenever he would come to the house to visit(mostly snowboard) he would brush past me to check on the plant. Once all was aok with Jade, I would get a hug. R.I.P. Jade, Joan

  4. tc, Thanks. I do not write for compensation but that would be nice. I do write grants so in a way I suppose I write to compensate the organization I work for.

  5. The only Green thumb I know of is caused by gangrene from the thorns.