Monthly Archives: July 2009

hump day nuggets

I am starting a new initiative on dig: every Wednesday I’ll post the past week’s nuggets. Little bits of the season in photos and (few) words. This will be my outlet for the moments of my world that I want to capture, document, share…I am giving myself permission to be random and brief. I used to write really short snippets on occasion and when I moved to essays, I am not sure. Sometime around Margot’s emergence I think. She made my brain think in novels instead of short stories…..anyway, nuggets. Read more on hump day nuggets…
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new clothes for mama

So I have been sewing all this stuff for my chicken and nothing for my sorry self who is stuck wearing shirts that are becoming increasingly pitted out and inappropriately short for work and too-few skirts that I have to wipe dog and kid snot off of before wearing out. It was time for this mama to spend some time on some clothes. I always feel better when I am confident in what is on me. Pregnancy amplifies those feelings at least a billion times, probably more like a trillion. No self-respecting girl likes to be reaching in her bra on the corner of Higgins and Pine to adjust the spilling-out boob or yank on a tank that is rising to meet her chin. ahem. So, back to vetements. I am into tracing patterns from my favorite clothes. It mostly works out. I’d never give them to anyone else because I am bending some major rules and often end up polishing a turd but the fabric is cheap and the time worn is short, so some pieced-together, not-that-pretty-on-the-inside items are just fine by me. I do pretty well with the skirts and dare say they turn out nicely. This one was supposed to be a beautiful dress I was to wear when I officiate my dear friends’ wedding in a few weeks but, ack, it’s now a skirt. And I have lots of scrap light blue shirting material… fresh out of the wash, drying on the line I traced my favorite Michael Stars top and have made a few of these tunics. They are a snap–two pieces and four stitched straight lines. yes. I do wish I has a serger to finish the edges. At least knit doesn’t unravel because there is NO WAY I will ever attempt binding on knit again. Not even if I was promised daily massages for the rest of my life. favorite shirt on left (photo taken in May) :: my attempt at replication on right And then took my first stab at tracing pants and wound up with low low riding, unattractive capris. When I say low low I mean, half of my ass crack was exposed. And I look terrible in capris. I added a band of material (let the turd-polishing begin) and then I had enough room up front should I “ever happen to grow a large penis,” said Heather this morning at pilates. So I fixed that real quick too. And the length is more wide leg, long shorts than capri. I like em. The next pair will be better. And, finally, I have chopped up a few sweaters to make cardigans. Sweaters that are too tight on my even when I am not pregnant. This lady has been doing it with knit shirts and that motivated me. Simple: just snip up the middle and snip off the sleeves to make a 3/4 sleeved cardigan out of a too-tight sweater with a hole on the wrist. Stitch the new edges to stop fraying. Scoop necks are a bit funky because of the drape but I did a little accordion fold thingie and I think it’ll work. Margot likes it too. Oh, and Margot is going to have a little sister. I had intended to be all one with my uterus and reject technology and not discover the gender early but when the healthy little fig was squirming on that screen and I had the chance, well, I am a woman of opportunity and I said yep so we had a little guessing game and I guessed boy because tiny vulva looks like a penis to me so now I owe Andy a dinner of his choice. It was a fabulously beautiful experience. Much better than bug’s ultrasound. I feel very lucky for all of it…Andy, Margot, little soon-to-make-us-a-family-of-four kid. I love. Sisters. Very cool. And, since they will be born in the same season, no need for any new clothing. See how thrifty I am? voila. On left: imagine kid sitting in a glass chair and you are underneath :: On right: little bean is lounging with her fist up by her forehead, babe is in profile, cute little blurry ear on left. Can you see it? Read more on new clothes for mama…
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upswwwwwwwwiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnng

First off I have to say wow, y’all, thanks for your thoughtful encouragement and advise on my last post. I read every comment and e mail and it was through your words and a few of my dear friends kicking me in the ass to make a few changes that I am feeling way better. Turns out I needed to talk some things through with some people, let myself feel funky and ultimately let some some stuff go. Geesh that’s hard sometimes. I also discovered I am not crazy in thinking that my belly is exceptionally giant. I am a whole month ahead with my due date. Still a holiday but t’will be closer to turkey than santa. This is surprising because it seems completely impossible to us but nonetheless the little babe has femurs and a head that suggest 21 weeks. Also, when our midwife had her little ultrasound machine on my belly, all of my I-don’t-want-to-know-the-gender-yet stubbornness left my body and I was so excited to know. All we could see was a butt….no dangly genitalia but that doesn’t mean anything yet. 21 weeks. And I am just loving the somersaults from a real, live, 10 1/2 inch human. Length of a carrot. So, in the spirit of summer we have been hugging and my conscience effort to be and enjoy, here are some little nuggets that make me happy right now. First tomatoes, sungold of course. Margot romping around with her friends in the dress I made her. Camping. First-thing-in-the-morning faces. Three eggs a day in the hens’ fancy new nesting boxes. Best garage sale ever: 25 yards of thick, fabulous knit fabric and 10 patterns for $15. Watching Margot grow into friendships with my friend’s kids. Nearly four gallons of peas from my garden and the little buggers are still bloomin’. Date night with my man and his new wooden ring I had made for him. Love etsy. His real wedding ring could kill him, what with the metalness and conductivity around electricity and such so he can’t wear it. Where I live. Dang it’s beautiful. Read more on upswwwwwwwwiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnng…
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blech (but ultimately yay)

I have felt out of sorts for the last week. Just a general, gnawing anxiety and insecurity that totally blows. And, you know, yes, my hormones are nuts right now but, no, that is not why I am feeling this way. It’s all very annoying and boring to me because these aren’t feelings I often sit with and here I am sitting. sometimes I feel like face-planted raggedy anne I am a closure gal. Chat, work it out, move on. But right now, there’s no closure to be had and I am left feeling blech. It’s all surrounding giant changes in my life that, while I am quite confident with my choices, are rocking my current understanding of my world. I am having another kid at which time I am not returning to the museum, where I have poured my heart and soul for seven years. I don’t talk much about work on dig but it is an important part of me. So no closure cause I have to just wait it out and let it happen. No way to know what it’ll be like. No previous experiences to draw from. No way to prepare. mama, I know you’re exhausted but can we go for a walk? mama, I know you’re exhausted but can we go for a walk? I am frustrated with myself even as I write this because, while honest, it doesn’t feel true to me. I also feel shy about complaining when I know I am so fortunate. I am emotional. I am tired. And it is all compounding in these hideous ways like when I feel anxious and tired and emotional I then feel the wrinkles are deeper in my forehead and my thighs touch a bit further down. I question myself in situations I should feel confident in. My house feels especially messy and I am snappier with my kid and my dog and my husband. I don’t like any of it and I can’t wait for the next part when I learn some big lesson that makes all this tumult worth it. piles of books, Art in America magazines, Chronicles of Philanthropy newspapers, clean napkins and underwear = perfect playground The area I am so so resolute and confident in is the choice, the result. When I focus on that, I get all zen (0r closer). Life, I am more comprehensively understanding, does indeed pass quickly. Lately there’s been lots of important talk about priorities in our household. I just can’t wait to spend my days writing, making art, sewing, cooking, canning, gardening, all with my children. Going to the library at 10am on a Tuesday. Camping mid-week. Running. I have little nuggets of creative endeavors lined up that’ll provide two necessary roles: stimulating my brain and passions and generating cash money. And I am trying to just get over the fact that sometimes, when I am so so tired I feel like I could crumble into a heap of goo on my doorstep, I can’t and shouldn’t rally (I am a rallier. I get shit done. I like it.). And that at times I need to sleep hard for nine hours while drooling on my pillow or let Margot throw credit cards and tampons and flip flops all over the house while I sit and sip ice water and take deep breaths. We’re really busy. Right now, in my house and my brain are piles of to-dos all over the place that’ll eventually get done but currently lay in piles because we are focusing on bigger stuff: love, eating, planning, sleeping, walks, art, each other. amidst the chaos of laundry taking over my home, there’s a kid growing in my body. amazing. Ah so it’ll pass and I’ll be better for it. Still effing hard. Big changes, changes in identity and purpose, how you answer the question and what do you do? are tough and they should be. So, as much as I can, I am trying to like and grow from the little bit of crazy my life is not-so-gently throwing my way. I’ll get there but I have to work for it. I can feel my core self returning already. I do enjoy a challenge… Read more on blech (but ultimately yay)…
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full

Whoo eee. It is a busy summer for our family. All full of good stuff–weddings, pies, swimming, dinner parties, afternoon parties, hikes, scrubbing dirty feet before getting in bed even though the sheets haven’t been changed in a month. Things are prioritized differently in the summer. We pass through our house for sleep and food and to change into and out of work clothes and the rest of the hours are outside. This lady describes her kitchen as a “summer kitchen”. I think we have a summer house and car and just general life. Some things need to be neglected so others can be enjoyed. Read more on full…
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