marriage with two kids is a lot like dating long distance

I made a big, take-my-breath-away purchase last week. My fingers are bouncing about the tidy white squares right this minute as the sun rises over the east bench in Red Lodge.

As you may guess, I am on the computer a fair bit. I am not much for tv but give me an internet connection and I can dork out for hours. The computer is also the medium for all of my work. We have a big, beautiful iMac that my man surprised me with for my 30th birthday but with two kids and what feels like 7 dogs and 13 cats, to get work done, I need a door to CLOSE. Or, better yet, a computer to take out the door…a computer to accommodate my new, exploring lifestyle as a mama with two kids, without a 9 to 5er, who enjoys hopping in the car and getting out.

So I bought a computer. Andy was surprised and a bit bummed. Which surprised me. He didn’t know I was buying it and I was, of course, certain he knew and endorsed it. How can this happen, you wonder? I tell you all about it in this week’s mama digs column, marriage with two kids is a lot like dating long distance.

Oh, and we talked and all is swell. Andy is happy for my new purchase.

18 Responses to marriage with two kids is a lot like dating long distance

  1. Tisha says:

    that is so true. you know its bad when you are texting or sending instant messages to your husband from your laptop in the living room to him in the basement…

  2. booksNyarn says:

    I am debating a netbook purchase for myself. I go to enough conferences and seminars as a librarian that I need the connectivity. SOMEONE has to Tweet this stuff. :)

    But I can hear the argument now…”Honey, I want this netbook.” “I have a laptop you can use.” “Every time I use it I set up a profile for myself cause I don’t want to see your stuff and then you go and DELETE my profile so I have to redo it every time..”

    The ships are sailing…

  3. Melissa says:

    totally. a constant refrain in our house is, “but i told you about (fill in the blank), remember?” except neither of us remembers. so now we also email each other reminders. once i even sent him an email (from my lovely macbook that he actually bought for me–and i was upset about bc of the money at first! ha!) while he was less than 10 feet away because he was watching tv w headphones on and it just felt easier than trying to get his attention (because i’m thoughtful like that and he likes to unwind w tv).

    i love how you write about these universally shared things. xo

  4. *Wesley* says:

    We’re like that, but we don’t even have kids! Busy law school student of a husband – our relationship definitely seems like a long distance one at times. I always thought “date nights” were mostly for couples with children, but maybe we’ll have to start doing that.

    Just curious, but I was in Junga Juice the other day and saw the new Mamalode in there. The little girl on the cover looks EXACTLY like a little adopted girl in my church…do you know who the girl on the cover is? She is incredibly adorable!

  5. Oh my. So, so true. My husband and I try to schedule 2-hour dates a couple times a month and we never know whether we should rush to the bedroom, sit down for a chat, or take a leisurely walk. It always feels sort of clandestine and over so fast.
    If I know there’s household business we need to discuss I write it on a list and schedule a meeting. Crazy! But it works.

  6. Dakota says:

    Oiy – do I know how this feels. My Hubby and I had a Talk the other day. In my case I was certain he knew that my part-time position had just become permanent for the next few years, and he… didn’t. Ooops. We’re good know, but it’s a shock for sure.

  7. Lurky Mommy says:

    So true! Shortly after having my 2nd child and quitting my job, I remember realizing how people become what my hubby and I had always dreaded becoming: the mom whose life completely revolves around the kids, who is married to the dad who is not in touch with the kids or wife. It’d be pretty easy to let it all slip into that out of sheer love for the kids and meeting their needs, mixed with the sheer exhaustion of keeping the marriage going. We started having date nights twice a month, whether we were too exhausted to go or not. It was really good for us and way cheaper than marriage counseling :) We still do it about once a month now that we sleep through the night and get to have entire conversations in one sitting.
    This will be a long comment, but I was wondering if you could recommend a compost bin type or brand. I’m taking your challenge and moving from a container garden to a raised bed this year and hope to have enough planted to warrant my own composting, but don’t really know where to start with all that. If you have time, I’d love to know what you prefer. Thanks!

  8. Jean says:

    Sigh, I gotta tell ya, this happens to me and Richy ALL the time and we don’t have ANY kids at home.

  9. tkhenry says:

    This kind of conversation became an insider joke at our house because I responded to a “you never told me that” with “I know what you are doing and it won’t work – I’ve seen ‘Gaslight’!” Now when one says “you never told me” the other says “Oh Paula the lights are not flickering!” It is great film and I recommend it for a date night. No one understands why you use “gaslighting” as a verb until they watch the movie.

  10. babygalah says:

    Hi Nici,
    I mentioned your lovely blog as one of my favourite things in my blog today
    hope the spring sunshine is warming your part of the world….
    Cheers, Dee – BabyGalah

  11. anne c says:

    Fast forward about nine years, when you’re blazing out the door to register the kid for hockey *and* cub scouts, just a couple of days after the other kid has announced a desire to add a weekly youth group to skating lessons and two instruments, and the other half says, “Wait a minute. Can we do ALL of this?” Which leads to a conversation complete with tears, and a renewed effort by mommy to be all things to all people.

    Phew. I can safely say we made it through a long winter of running hither and yon, and am thanking my lucky stars that cub scouts and one of the instruments are falling by the wayside next year.

    I feel for you, Nici, but I know you’re going to make it through!

  12. jules says:

    exactly what I needed. thank you so much for such an eloquent view on such a rough road.

  13. Sarah says:

    love this….we are so there with you two. and…we are living long distance. crazy. i ask myself daily how we, i, do it. but, we just do and “thrive.”

  14. Kelle says:

    So true, Baby.
    Oh, we need a good night out soon…alone. I’d take a simple cold beer and wings in jeans and a t-shirt. In fact, that sounds better than anything else.
    Miss you!

  15. Lurky: We built our compost container but check at They have great stuff! (and tell them I sent you if you order through them…they sponsored dig with the rain barrels last year.) Good luck!

  16. Lurky Mommy says:


  17. Brandy says:

    Thanks for this :) I sniveled my way through reading it, because with a 3 year old and a 3 week old, I have thought the same thing many times…and though I love my life and my girls more than anything else, I know there will be times when the 2 ships passing thing is going to feel really rough! He’s my best friend, so I struggle with it…but the common goals of a wonderful life for our girls is enough to make our relationship somehow endure even when there isnt always enough time to devote to it…I’m glad you have a guy who is happy to lay spoons and take walks…it means he still sees a woman and a person instead of just seeing you as a role you fulfill in his life (kids’ mom, partner in making it all work, etc.)
    I’m glad you say the things we all think!

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