On Christmas day, sugar combined with gift opening and more gift opening led to a few funks, the worst being when Margot threw a book at Ruby and gave her a bloody nose and a swollen eye. I scooped Ruby up and ran to another room and then ran back to Margot, clutching my injured baby, and shrieked through tears about my disappointment in all of it.
It was a good day because it was real and we worked through book exchange and came out the other side with hugs and compassion. It was good because my expectations are not about unflappable happiness. It was good because my expectations are about authenticity, love and goodwill. And, when I seek authenticity, love and goodwill, I find it because it is everywhere, even a disappointing bloody nose.
In blogland many have been writing about what they don’t like about the holidays and new year. It reminds me of marriage. Some choose not to wed because they don’t like the institution, they don’t want to conform, they don’t feel like they need a piece of paper to define their love. I say every person gets to say what marriage and holidays are for them. We write our own vows, we create our own rituals, we make our own resolutions.
In my family, we harvest and decorate a tree. We spend a lot of time with friends and family. We spend a lot of time with our phones turned off and just our small clan. We play outside. We talk about thanks. We make and eat good food. We celebrate. We give simple, thoughtful gifts. We reflect on a year and resolve to be present and aware, authentic and loving.
When we were opening gifts on Christmas morning, my sister and brother-in-law opened one for their daughter that included a note. Neysa read about how every year they will set aside money for Aida to give. When Aida is old enough she will choose the recipient and, for now, her parents choose. This year they gave to cancer patient and his family in need.
I thought this was so lovely and decided I wanted do something similar. We came home with a generous pile of new puzzles, books and toys and I casually started a conversation with Margot about how thankful I feel for all this cool stuff and perhaps we could give some of our cool stuff to other kids. “But those are my toys,” she said. And then a few minutes later, “Why don’t kids have books?” And with that my casual conversation turned into an amazing one.
“Some kids just don’t have toys or books because they can’t buy them.”
“They don’t have any? They don’t even have one?” I thought for a second how to explain this to my wide-eyed three year-old.
“Yes. Some don’t have much at all.” I waited a moment and then added, “Some kids don’t have a home. Some kids don’t have moms or dads.”
“No mom or dad?” She paused and looked away and I wondered if this was too much and she said, “Mama? I think Andy will be their dad.”
We continued to chat about it and then she started purging toys on her own. I was amazed at her comprehension and sincerity. I stood in our living room, holding my coffee and my eyes welled with amazement and pride. She was careful with her selection, her little heart stretched and she gave both of her elmo dolls, her favorite dinosaur, books, art supplies. Those treasures are off to other kids.
I witnessed my daughter give away cherished things and forget about them so quickly, her joy in giving, her understanding of need versus want. Maybe that is a lot to think Margot comprehends but there is a sage old soul in my kid.
As this year ends, my resolution is uncomplicated and constant.
Our happiness has very little to do with stuff. I seek simplicity. I resolve to marinate in the wispy, fleeting moments with my daughters for they are growing and changing and, with each evolution, my soul shifts and the previous reality is gone forever. I want to live it well.
Thanks for sharing this space with me in 2010. Cheers to 2011!
41 Comments
Awwwww, so sweet, Nici, I loved this post! And the photo retrospective as well. Happy New Year to you and your fam.
Awwwww, so sweet, Nici, I loved this post! And the photo retrospective as well. Happy New Year to you and your fam.
Awwwww, so sweet, Nici, I loved this post! And the photo retrospective as well. Happy New Year to you and your fam.
Awwwww, so sweet, Nici, I loved this post! And the photo retrospective as well. Happy New Year to you and your fam.
Awwwww, so sweet, Nici, I loved this post! And the photo retrospective as well. Happy New Year to you and your fam.
the june photo is breath taking. happy 2011 🙂
Wonderful thoughts, as always 🙂 Thank you for your fresh, honest outlook at the life you lead.
June and November are my favorites!
This post was phenomenal! Although I must admit it took me a minute to realize the pictures were just breaking up one fluid story. I finally figured it out though 😉 In addition, I was so ecstatic to see the snowflake on Ruby’s eye showcased again. I seriously cannot express my love for that picture! I wish you and your beautiful family a wonderful New Year!
Tears. Nothing like trying to explain these things to a little person to make it all seem utterly absurd and unbelievable that some kids have no books, no toys, no food, no family. Her two elmos….bless her sweet little heart.
What a wonderful reality for your resolution. My eyes swelled with tears b/c it’s true, they grow up so fast that you just need to absorb it all – the good, the bad, and the beauty.
I was thinking about you today – I have 2 pots of soup on the stove while I attempt to make a radio flyer shaped cake for a beautiful little boy who turned one last week. I did remember to flour the pans…thank Goodness b/c everything is closed today! Now I need to keep decaffeinated for the rest of the afternoon or I might destroy my work so far.
The shot of the snowflake on Ruby’s lash is the shot of the year. Just amazing and perfect.
Happy New Year dear and here’s to KISS (keep it simple…).
Cheers,
Jennifer from Annapolis
Beautiful photos, and wonderful thoughts for the New Year. I hope you don’t mind if I adopt some of those resolutions for myself. 🙂 Happy New Year!
Nici,
Happy New Year. Thank you so much for the gift of your blog. I cherish your words.
WOW~just beautiful…..so proud of Margot,(both her Elmos!?) She is right Andy would be a great dad to share.
Happy New Year Sweetheart!…..see you in 12 days!
Love you so….xoxo, Mom
wonderful post.
i have been left (again) with an empty feeling again after Christmas – even though we have piles of “things” from around the world.
i just don’t know how to curb the idea of copious gifts from family members without ruffling feathers.
Maybe I shouldn’t care about their feathers and worry about my little fledglings instead. hmm.
have a happy day. xx
Beautiful, Nici. I have been contemplating something very similar to your resoution for a while now. I look at Theo & Sully and know that there is no better gift in the world. I love treating myself to some new stuff once in a while, getting something new for our house. But, I know full-well what’s most important. Just loving all the small things~every day~so blessed.
Happy New Year! xo
So beautiful, and I love the two stories- one told of the here and now through words, the other a ribbon of the past year through photos. They intersect beautifully.
xoxo
Melina
http://www.thewildercoast.com
Beautiful post Nici. Thanks!
,,,well done nici cline, well done,,,what a great finish to a good year,,,(smile)
My favorite:
I resolve to marinate in the wispy, fleeting moments with my daughters for they are growing and changing and, with each evolution, my soul shifts and the previous reality is gone forever. I want to live it well.
Cheers to that.
What a poignant end to a beautiful year. How hard it must have been to choose 12 perfect photos to reflect…you did well, Friend.
Love to the mountains from the beach.
xoxo ~k
Beautiful! I thoroughly love your resolution to simplify and live in the fleeting moments. It is something which I am trying to work on myself…difficult at best because I am a worry-wart from way back, but more so since having my little girl. So, I too endeavor to share your simple, beautiful outlook. Happy New Year to you and your fantastic family!
Oh the fleetingness of childhood. I’m already realizing how gone Connor’s truly little boyhood is. He’s going to be 5 in just a few months. There are so many things that got completely lost in the chaos of his first three years, and now I know how fast the next several will vanish, and it is teary and sooooo bittersweet. And I want too to ‘marinate in these fleeting moments.’
Margot has a beautiful soul, and a giving spirit. Hmmmm… wonder who has shown her that, Mama. I love the emergence of empathy in little ones.
Happy New Year! Yay for being present, and living simply.
Peace and light
Simplicity = Truth
Fabulous Truths
And thus begins the first full year with you as my friend.
I’ll drink to that.
Happy New Year Nici! That June picture makes my heart ache with love and beauty! Amazing!
I’ve been trying to pick my “one word” for the new year. I kept thinking “easy”, but that wasn’t right…I wasn’t looking for an easy year. But this post helped me hone in…I want a simple year. One where I resist the urge to overcomplicate, overcommit, over think and over do it. I want to cook good food, read books with my kiddo, cuddle a newborn, pay more attention to my dogs and listen to more music.
2001, yahoo!
As always, I love your honesty the most.
Growing older is pretty wonderful, and it is amazing to see the evolution and growth in a new little person.
I also love that you and Neysa are raising your girls to care for others at such an early age.
Happy 2011. Can’t wait to see what this year brings.
Made me misty-eyed. It’s been an eventful year for you, but you came through it with strength and a lot of heart.
Beautiful, just beautiful.
Your words and your heart.
Your daughters and your simplicity.
It’s all beautiful.
O.k., so my husband always wanted to move to Montana and we never did. Now, I read your blog and imagine what our life would have been like there. I really enjoy your honest posts on life. You get it and most days I try to get it! Wishing you a Happy New Year!
Oh that March photo. After our travels in 2009, with the accidental discovery of Missoula, I decided to look for something about… I don’t remember really… gardening in Missoula? Chicken rules in Missoula? And the very. first. thing. I found was your blog, with that picture at the top. Tears sprung up, it struck such a deep chord of how I’d wanted my life to look when my babies were small, and the idea that I could make a life look like I wanted it to for the grandboy… it was completely overwhelming and hopeful and inspiring. I spent about 3 days reading every single post on dig and bug.
I am so grateful that 2010 brought me here. Thanks for your words, your truth, your openness.
Looking sooooo forward to 2011!
Nici, I am loving the the photo log of your year in MT. Happy new year to you, and here’s to many more days of relishing in the simple beauties of life! xo
Simple and beautiful, love it!!
Cheers …
xoxo,
April
I’m not sure when the new header popped up, but it’s adorable.
I made my first creation of 2011 yesterday, a simple apron, for my daughter … my very first without a pattern! And every time I sit down at my Bernina, I can’t help but think of you … my sewing inspiration!!
xoxo
Nice. Your photography and use of English is lyrical.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen a photograph of a snowflake on an eyelash! Incredible.
Your words have inspired me greatly once again.
That snowflake picture is just AMAZING! I can’t get over it! Thanks for sharing! You’ve inspired me to try to get one pic per month. Really, that’s doable for me! Thanks!
Thanks, Nici. I need to be reminded about simplicity in this time of so much excess.
Happy New Year!
What a great way to wrap up this year! I truly enjoy following your path out there in Montana. Happy New Year!
Happy New Year, Nici. Can’t wait to watch it unfold in your beautiful, funny, charming, lovely family stories.
Great photos. Happy New Year. Way to go teaching your babes the value of giving to and helping others. Well done.
Fabulous that you had this convo with her at such a young age.
And I love the pajama bottom in August. Cutie pie.