home is where you want to be

Many years ago, my friend gave Margot a book called Let’s Go Home. It is one of our favorites and, tonight, it was Ruby’s bedtime choice. I read

There are many kinds of houses in the world, from little cottages to big mansions, from farmhouses to bungalows. But no matter the kind of house, it is the living inside that makes it wonderful, what happens to each room that makes it marvelous. It is what the house means to those who live there. 

It is so right on. Since our recent move, I’ve been talking with my kids a lot about what home means, where it is. We visited our ‘old’ home last weekend. Knocked on the door for the first time ever. We chatted with the new family, expecting their first baby next month. We sat on their furniture in their home. Ruby had a hard time with it, saying “No. My special home.” Followed by a tearful “Go home, mama? Milky?” Sister was bummed and confused. I get it.

Chris gave my domain back.

Can you believe it? I can.

I felt wronged when my url – my business that supports my family – was snagged and littered with scandalous ads. I know many found me, but many didn’t and clicked into that domain only to pay into Chris’s pocket. Every click generated revenue for him. It was frustrating, not because of my address, but because it was so wrong. And that is why I pursued the issue. It isn’t fair or right. I am a peacemaker. And I do speak up for what is fair and right. I am nice and optimistic; I am firm and driven. I was fired up.

I didn’t once feel like a victim. That was a wonderful surprise; I settled, calmly even, right into it. I felt motivated. To pursue what was legally mine, protected under trademark law. Problem is, people like me can’t afford to advocate for themselves. There are legal and arbitration fees. The language and process is overwhelming.  I waited, wondered how it would shake out. I focused on what I wanted: something positive and productive, I didn’t know what it looked like.

I think people want to do good. I think people are good. And the more I lean into this, the more I am reminded of it.

I got an email from a reader, Sieglinde, whose husband is an attorney. He generously offered his legal services. Kyle. Kyle who is kind and smart and so generous I find myself continually brainstorming things I can make him for the rest of his life to express my gratitude.

Kyle wrote Chris. There was some back and forth. And then, Chris, the guy who wanted 4800 effing dollars, gave me my domain back. FOR FREE. I am not naive, I don’t think Chris has a crisis of conscience and is suddenly looking for new work as a yogi (although wouldn’t that be amazing?). But I do know something to be true, the thing Margot sang to me the morning this all went down, that little prophet: If you believe in kindness you’ll be free.

What is a home?

Appreciation.

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Belief.

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Intention.

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Humor.

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Confidence.

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Light.

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Comfort.

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Creation.

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Encounter.

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Breath.

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Margot’s birthday, December 2007

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Ruby’s birthday, November 2009

Growth.

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Expression.

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Play.

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Nourishment.

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Wonder.

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Exploration.

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Ritual.

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Home isn’t an address, a domain, a place. Rather, home is here.

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Here.

ps Both domains will redirect to the same place! No need to change bookmarks or anything. It’ll take a day or so. Phew. 
pps A happy nod to the inspiration for the title of this post, This Must Be The Place by Talking Heads. “Home is where I want be but I guess I’m already there…” Sing it.

71 Responses to home is where you want to be

  1. I love your outlook and am so glad you didn’t let the situation victimize you. So, now you have TWO addresses! :D Glad it all worked out and that kind people swooped in to help. Be still my heart, they are most certainly out there.

  2. Yay!! Three cheers for Kyle!

    What a feast of photos. Beautiful.

  3. What a beautiful, profoundly poetic post that brought tears to my eyes. Love this ode to your *old* home, the walls that felt you move to present day. I can’t wait to see you move through your new doorstep, creatively breathing in a new space, a new home. So happy for this journey, and badass about your url. Kyle, URuLe.
    xoxo

  4. Lola says:

    What a beautiful post! Inspiring… Inspired!!!!
    Tears!!!!
    Love your home…..
    And mine :)

  5. Hazel says:

    Yeah for getting your domain back. Such true words about “home”.

  6. Sophie says:

    I love this post about home, beautiful :)

  7. Sian says:

    The more I read your blog the more I like you. I’m so glad you got your domain back! Good for you. It slightly different but We’ve been thinking about this with our 2 boys. Some children were hitting my oldest at preschool. Me and hubby were talking about the kind of reaction we want our son to have to this. We want him to know not to hit back but that there is still a right way to assert yourself. To stand up for yourself without either doing the same or giving up because you think there is nothing you can do about it. There is always something that can be done. Something positive even if we don’t get the result we wanted, we still reacted the right way. True to our values. Your girls will learn this and so many other valuable things from you both. x

  8. Such a beautiful post. Happy about the domain, and moved to tears by your expression of home. So true.

  9. Yes, eyes welling with tears about your homage to home. It speaks volumes in a handful of words.

    Congratulations on your ability to be motivated to recapture your URL. I’m not sure if I would have the same grace. And what a gift to have Kyle at your service. There is a lot of humanity out there over this WWW.

    -Jennifer

  10. Cheyenne says:

    A very beautiful post with an awesome message. The photos with the words are inspiring. You hit the nail on the head about what home is – our family travels a lot and I repeatedly say Home is where our family is. Where we experience life and adventure together. PS – Glad you got your domain back.

  11. Jennie says:

    I’m bursting after reading this! I love to travel, but what I love most is “home”.. because it can be wherever you are, and whatever you need it to be! <3

  12. Meghan says:

    Tears. Honest to goodness.

  13. Kelle says:

    Oh Nici, what a meaningful post. Its simplicity speaks volumes, and that selection of photos. Such art. Appreciating my home so much more right now..,with its piles and laundry and chipped baseboards. Xo

  14. love your photographs of life. that baby in the shower was precious. happy for you that you got your domain back. that’s wonderful!

  15. Heatheroo says:

    Gorgeous post…I’m so glad I stumbled upon you…your writing, lifestyle, and personality is such a breath of fresh air! So glad your domain was given back…Have a wonderful weekend in your *new* home!

  16. Sarah says:

    teary eyed here!! love what you wrote and how you wrote it!!

    glad you got your domain back, and that positivity and kindness won!

  17. BRH says:

    My breath caught when I read that you got your address back. I’m so glad. And I’m so happy to hear your kind words about something that wasn’t kind. Good on YOU. Happy day!

  18. Love the pictures and post. Glad everything worked out!

  19. Yeah girl!
    Margot spoke it didn’t she?
    Love all your manifestations of home.

  20. Well, that’s a gift. It makes me so happy, the way things can be redeemed.

    Silas is sitting with me playing with a screechy toy and stopped dead in his tracks at the photo of you canning. ??? He said “Who’s that?” and I told him it was my friend Nici. We kept scrolling and I was telling him about the girls. He wanted to go back to the canning pic. Then he said “That you’re Nici?” Yep. Sure enough. Now he’s saying over and over “I go see your Nici! I go Nici’s house!”

    What the world? :)

  21. TRB Holt says:

    One question….if you love me SO much, why do you always make me cry? This was beautifully said. I love you to the moon and back…..mom

  22. Carly says:

    Wonderful post! Perfect words and perfect photographs — that birthday picture of Margot is amazing.

  23. melody says:

    oh friend…my hearts soars reading this. you are lovely in every sense of the word. i am so so loving this post. love grows so well in your small house.

  24. ctb says:

    well said sista!!

    i know how ruby feels, had a hard time myself adjusting to a new home, new town, new climate.

    and all this business with your domain… ya karma!!!!

  25. Keely D says:

    I am so happy to have found your blog through Kelle Hamptons blog. You are an inspiration to me. You have helped me look at the world and everyday occurrences through different eyes. The beauty the magic that everyday has to offer but also the struggles, the disappointment that help you grow and change are awesome. I am energized and excited about 2012. I am excited to build myself a better story. I also have been inspired to be more creative, more understanding, brave. Wish me luck I am going to start my very first vegetable garden with my kids. Thank you to both you and
    Kelle.

  26. Minnesotagal says:

    Welcome home! So many meanings in that after this last week, no? Kyle’s specialty is patent and trademark law. His sub-specialty, the thing he loves more than (almost) anything, is internet domaine disputes. So when I read your blog post last week, I quick zipped him an email just to see if he knew an easy way out for you. I wasn’t expecting anything much. At first I got a quick “yep, that can be fixed with money” email. I was a little bummed but figured that’s how it goes in law. Then I got a longer email saying sorry but he was in a meeting earlier and so he couldn’t expound but he would love to help and that evening we chatted some more. The more we talked the more angry he got about the whole situation and when he gets angry (legally speaking) watch out! The man is brilliant at what he does! I caught snippets of conversations over the course of the week and “Chris” is very unlikely to have a future career as a yogi. But like I said, my man is brilliant and it’s a good thing he checks his legal attitude at the door when he comes home or else I’d never win another argument in my life.
    Nici, you have inspired me in so many ways over the years (crazy that it’s really been years that I’ve been following your blog now!) and you reached right through that www and inspired my husband too (maybe it was that peanut butter chocolate cake recipe of yours). Looking forward to many more posts from digthischickmt.com aka digthischick.net aka goodreallydoeswinout.com (maybe you should try to get that domaine name too…)!

  27. Zoe says:

    Gorgeous post! The photos and captions said it all. This will be a post I will return to again and again. I think you could make it into a slideshow with a meaningful piece of music as I felt like I was watching a movie of your life, your home!

    And yay for getting your domain back. Minnesotagal and her Minnesotalawyer rock!

  28. Yay for you getting your domain back and yay for those who helped you. Lovely pictures and post.

  29. SO happy to hear this! :)

  30. Ozzy says:

    Congratulations on all of your new digs, Dig! Your readers are so happy for your successful outcome with that mean squatter. You’ve just modeled some pretty awesome maneuvers for all of us. Thank you. It is so, so true, “If you believe in Kindness you will be free!” :) Cheers to you!

  31. barbaras says:

    I laughed when I read the yogi remark and teared up for most of the rest. Great post/great pics. So glad things worked out well and all the best in your new home!
    Love, Barbara

  32. That’s so awesome. I’m so happy for you. I love your pictures and your words in this post (as well as all the others I’ve read in the past 3+ years).

  33. Tonya says:

    This whole post has me crying! I am so happy that you got your domain back!!! YAY Kyle!!!!! Good things come to good people. Maybe Chris will get a clue, we can hope, right? All of those pics of “home” were beautiful, you are so inspiring…..

  34. ashalily says:

    wonderfully written post!

  35. Kelly Cach says:

    My nose is running profusely….it does that when I cry. Knocking on your old door “for the first time ever”, and poor little Ruby, confused and wanting “milky”….oh my! And the nose thing just kept on with every word and every picture after that.

    Whew! One of the best posts I’ve ever read.
    And redemption is a fine thing. YAY!!!

  36. Beautiful thoughts, Nici. I hope things settle in (and down!) for you soon. LOVE the song! :)

  37. Angie says:

    What a great post! The pictures of brand new Margot and brand new Ruby are divine. How awesome that you got your domain back. You go, girl! Love it :)

    XOXO,
    Angie from Ohio

  38. I’m so happy for you!! Wonderful news :)

  39. Marti says:

    This post made me cry. If I could I would fly to Montana and give you a hug and say thank you for the positive perspective you always show. Congrats on everything!

  40. Ellie says:

    Way to go, Nici. Your positive attitude inspires.

  41. PME says:

    Hi Dig,

    I rarely comment but this post just blew me away. The photos and words were perfect. They flowed so beautifully. I am so happy that you got your domain back. And that photo of Margot on her birthday took my breath away. So so beautiful.

    All the best from Montreal, Canada.

  42. Cat says:

    Thanks for the reminder Nici!
    When I was figuring out what I wanted to have engraved in Frank’s wedding band… this song.
    Because “This Must Be the Place” was a little long, I just settled on HOME.
    Congrats for the good guy!

  43. Daniele says:

    So happy you got it back!! Beautiful post.

  44. Cathy says:

    Yay for you! Yay for kindness! Yay for lawyers who care! Yay for showing us all that optimism isn’t totally nuts no matter the naysayers.

  45. Jessica says:

    This is beautiful! Just beautiful. I’m appreciative of your attitude towards something so negative. I love that you reclaimed home as something that will never really leave you. Ever.

  46. Nif says:

    Pretty post. I love the one in the shower.

  47. ~ jessica says:

    “Home isn’t an address, a domain, a place. Rather, home is here.” This made me cry. Thank you.

  48. Lucy says:

    I just moved as well…and wrote a post about what it means for a place to become home. All it takes is the presence of your loved ones. How lucky we are, to have families to come home to.

    Also, it looks like you had a home birth. Last night I dreamt that I was pregnant again, and when I am, I will do it at home. My last pregnancy (and a marginal placenta previa) called for a hospital birth, which I did without drugs. Next time, I will be ready for a more intimate, private experience.

    Beautiful blog.

  49. Beautiful post, Nici. Thank you.

  50. Sian says:

    Oh just popping back to say I gave you a the Happy 101 Award because your posts inspire and brighten up my day.

    Its at the end of my post: http://sianyblog.blogspot.com/2012/01/we-got-some-winter.html
    x

  51. Love that you got your domain back. And a big cheers to you for fighting for what was right!!
    I love this post. It really strung my heart strings as we are in a limbo position of moving on to a different home. You reminded me….it doesnt matter where we live or whether we move or stay….as long as I’m with my loves….it’ll be home!
    xx
    P.S. The newborn shower shot….made me all giddy with baby joy :)

  52. Sarah says:

    I love this.

    I just had a ‘home’ moment. I had some meetings in the big, bad city and have just come home. The boys are in daycare and the house is quiet. Ahhhh….there really is no place.

  53. Lucy says:

    It’s good to think of all the fabulous memories you’re about to create in your new home.

    I’m so pleased to hear of your victory, thank you Kyle for fighting the good fight!

  54. rebecca... says:

    ,,,chris if you’re reading this comment on nici’s blog “digthischick” i owe you an apology, you’re not a dick-head afterall,,,

  55. Beth says:

    this made my day. thanks.

  56. Sondra says:

    Great Blog today!!! Blessed to have you on line, You (and your family) are truly blessed and deserving of blessings.
    Kindness begats Kindness

    ps, it never hurts to be kind.

  57. Yay! Congrats on getting your url back! Just one more example of the beautiful community blogging can build. I’m glad to be a part of your’s : )

  58. erin says:

    Beautiful post, truth and wisdom in these words.

    Yay for reclaiming what is rightfully yours!

  59. Angelina says:

    Perfect. The words, the pictures, just perfect.

    And now for a totally random off the topic long comment; I love your blog. I love Kelle Hamptons blog. You both inspire me to take it all in, and enjoy the best parts of life. And I love that by noticing comments you’ve left on her old posts, and comments she’s left on your old posts you can see the bond of friendship materialize between you both. I was reading a random old post of hers and came across a comment you left with the reading from the Velveteen Rabbit that was read on your wedding day. We had the same passage read by my mother on our wedding day.

    Thanks for writing and inspiring!

  60. Katrina says:

    So glad you got your domain back! I’m slightly freaked that something like that could happen to my url. How can we prevent it? Any tips from your experience?

  61. Liane says:

    Simply beautiful xx

  62. bigskyangie says:

    I love how things work out!

  63. So, SO, SOOOOO lovely! I adore your blog and by the way, nominated you (even though you don’t quite qualify because you have SO many followers, for an award.) Check it out: http://lindseyjanephotography.wordpress.com/2012/01/22/an-award/

  64. Jaim says:

    wow…such a great post!

  65. Annie says:

    Hooray!
    Love this post. I feel nostalgic seeing the picture of your now old home!

  66. Brandi says:

    LOVE this post. I am so happy for you.

  67. Jami says:

    This is one of my favorite posts from you in a long time. I just had my fist baby, Penny, one week ago. I have been reading your blog for years now and can’t wait to borrow some creative ideas of parenting you’ve shared over the years.
    Hooray for daughters :)

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