I have big feelings and few words regarding today’s soul-splitting event in Connecticut. I alternate between sending all my mama love to that community and imagining dark details of how it all went down. It is a mindfuck. I cry. We cry. Today, may all the tears of all of humanity create a bright, warm, alive ocean of hope. In that ocean swing strong waves that hug and move, a symbiotic and powerful tide of peace, betterment and love.

Want to help? Me too. Well, we can contribute our tears and hugs to that supportive ocean. And, we can donate to Newton Youth & Family Service.

with love,
Nici

18 Responses to

  1. Maheen Ott says:

    I had this to say on FB, to do something that can affect change.
    May you hold your precious family close tonight. I had plans to edit photos into the wee hours, but with the tragedy that I cannot even speak about weighing heavily on my heart I just cannot stop being with Levi and Zara. We are off to camp in front of the TV on the pull out, all 4 of us, in Santa Hats. I feel so lucky, yet guilty. So many innocent families will never lay eyes or hands upon their little ones again, this holiday for them I cannot even imagine. But, as a mom I just “go there” and feel such incredible heartache. As hard as it is, may you also let the tragedy soak into your mind and heart long enough to feel the need to do more, more than send thoughts or prayers, but to do something. I have been moved, and want to do one small thing to prevent one more incident like this from happening in our country again. If you feel the same, I have A Challenge. We all can help. In addition to the obvious: making guns a privilege rather than a right and harder than hell to acquire, we can help people like this shooter. Many want to hate this man. But, what if he was helped? Many shooters, like the theater shooter earlier this year, do not even have friends to interview. That should not come as a shock. Our church had a talk a few weeks ago about baby Jesus and the Inn. How the Inn was “full”, and how the Inn is now famous, not for what happened there, but for what could have happened if only they had made room. The church challenged us to make room in our lives. To not fill up with other things, but leave room for potential good to transpire. We all know people in our lives who are disconnected, socially or emotionally. I have no idea what this shooter’s personality disorder was or what he was like, but I am around children every day and some children (and adults for that matter) have a harder time just connecting. And it can be hell for them. They disconnect from humanity, and do inhumane things. There is a boy in Levi’s class, he is “naughty”. He hits. He is angry and acts out a lot. He is the topic of many of our dinner conversations. I have had play dates with other families from the class, the other moms know who he is through stories their children tell. Do you think ANY of us have EVER asked to have a play date with this child? Or reached out to be a friend to his parents? Of course not. NEVER. I would never think to before today. BUT. This holiday break, we are going to invite them over. We are going to reach out to a little boy and his (likely) very overwhelmed and stressed out parents and see if we can make him (and them) feel normal. Included. Liked. It is incredibly surprising how the smallest gestures can have the biggest and most lasting impact. I hope you can find room in your hearts to include someone you hadn’t thought of before into your lives, over the holiday and into the New Year.

    • Lacy Cooper says:

      Love this. and a good reminder!

    • Grace says:

      Yes, yes, yes, a thousand times! The kids that are the hardest to like need MOST to know they are liked. Because what they put out into the world doesn’t return to them the soft sweet fruit of friendships and compliments and encouragement– their output yields them only discouragement, rejection and hurt! I am so thankful for your post. And for Nicis. May each of us look for gardens that need water!!!!

    • Kelley says:

      Yes. More love. More compassion. More places to go for support before this happens again. I love this! People don’t talk about this enough. In hindsight, it does not help the hurt of those who were left behind. But looking forward, it seems to be the best answer.

    • Mary says:

      Awesome, truly.

    • minnesotagal says:

      Back in my high school days of incessant poetry journaling I wrote this:

      I look out
      But am not seen.
      I speak out
      But am not heard.
      I reach out
      But am not felt.
      I lash out
      And am punished.

      Thank you for your comment and the reminder to be present for all in our community. Even those – especially those – who seem to not “fit in”.

  2. Cari says:

    As often happens, you’ve managed to translate my heart into words. Mindfuck, it is… Thank you.

  3. Courtney K. says:

    Your children, my children, they are all our children I too imagine the dark details and what the parents might feel, and cry…

  4. I just blogged about this too.
    WHY? Why this happened just plays over my mind.
    Such a waste. A senseless waste of precious, loved lives.
    Sending all my thoughts and hope to the Connecticut families.
    x

  5. Trbholt says:

    I just cry off on on thinking about ALL these lives lost… I so wish I could hug you & Trav and kiss and smell my granddaughters. Thanks for this post and info on how;where to help.
    I love you…

  6. Sara says:

    There is a quote that says “childhood is the most beautiful of all life’s seasons”. It’s a season that should never come to an abrupt end. Those poor babies, adults, and families. I’ve stopped trying to understand ‘why’. It doesn’t matter what the answer is – it won’t be enough.

  7. Jenn R. says:

    My heart is still aching. Thank you for providing the link to the Newtown Youth and Family Service site.

  8. Jane says:

    well said. Thank you for sharing this link too.

  9. Katie says:

    Well put, I alternate between the same thoughts and emotions. XO

  10. It’s all I can do to send all of my mama love to CT and pray that these families find peace.

  11. Sarah says:

    I’ve had a hard time finding the words for how I’ve been feeling- mindfuck is perfectly apt. thank you.

  12. Angelika says:

    If I want to see more compassion and more love in this world, it is my job as a mother to be an example of such to my children so that they can go out and spread the compassion and love into this world…make it a better place, a lighter place. But at the same time I don’t want to unbolt the door and let them go anywhere ever again…my heart is shattered in a million bits for those families and the thought of dropping my son off at school tomorrow makes me feel physically ill.