I remember the nervousness and confidence I felt when I chose to leave my predictable job with benefits to be home with my kids and grow into work from here. As my midsection enlarged and I neared the end of my seven years at the Missoula Art Museum, I dreamed of hanging out with my daughters all day. I imagined gardening in the morning without need to hop in the shower and ready for a meeting. I thought about midday hikes on a Monday, afternoon canning on Tuesday and camping on Wednesday night.
After decades of honoring a schedule set by someone else – from school to work to school to work – I was most thrilled for the simple and profound luxury of creating my own schedule, curating my day’s rhythm. And getting to do it with these two wondrous souls.
All this is the prelude to a spontaneous camping trip I took with my kids. It’s been four years since I romanticized what it would be like to work from home with my kids. I remain appreciative for this ability to peel away for a few days without notice or plan. In fact, I believe my appreciation has grown. My perspective is keen and bright.
Turns out the real version trumps the imaginary version.
Getting out the door was a huge effort. I had a ton of work to finish up so I woke super early and scrambled all day while also packing for a week and mothering. We didn’t leave until 4, stopping by the bank and post office and I had no idea where we would stay that night.
We started driving. It was so beautiful and expansive. I felt wide open, happy and rich as we cruised east without any plan whatsoever.
About two hours in, we decided to secure the night’s resting spot. I found a campground with one site left. I do believe it was the very best spot.
I hadn’t packed our sleeping pads and instead packed the air mattress. The one that slowly leaked throughout the night making a Cline girl taco under the starriest sky I’ve ever seen. Oh that sky, it spun tales. Margot and Ruby slept well, I didn’t and decided to rise before the sun to stare and not think. To meditate.
Coffee, tea, oatmeal, hit the road toward Yellowstone. I packed the car next to a kind looking man and young girl. We smiled and nodded many times but didn’t exchange words until our cars were stuffed and the sun was up. Bruce told me about Baker’s Hole, a campground just outside the West entrance. He and Parker were headed there to secure a site. I’ll tell you what, he said. With two little ones, you will be moving slower than us. They allow two tents per site. We’ll leave you a sign and you can just stay with us. I said thanks and he said hey, it’s what Montanans do for each other. We hugged goodbye.
We arrived in West Yellowstone and I decided to head into the park to find a camp site. They were all full so we made our way to Old Faithful. Erupting hot water, boiling turquoise pools, sulphur stink.
The crowded areas are my least favorite parts of our national parks and I was eager to leave but the kids were eager to learn. How is that possible? Where does the color come from? The heat? I demonstrated with my arms circled over my head. My nose the earths core, my elbows Montana and China. Magma, lava, crust, plates, minerals.
Still no camp openings (oh I checked and rechecked for cancellations) and realizing it would take too long to get to another park entrance, we drove back out to West Yellowstone. My daughters slept and I found Baker’s Hole. Over 100 sites – all full – and I couldn’t locate Bruce and Parker. It was 5:30 now. I wondered where this night would lead us. I called a few motels that were booked or too expensive. I got out my map and started looking for BLM land, unexcited about sleeping in our car. And then I passed a KOA sign. I called. One site left.
I’ve never stayed at a KOA before. It was like stumbling into a sugary carnival in the middle of a forest. Bright yellow signs, people in yellow t shirts. Playgrounds, pool, mini golf and hundreds of people from all over the world shoehorned into square plots. Our site was at the edge, looking out at a group of pronghorns. I set up the tent. The girls remained asleep. I sat down in the warm sun. Always a blessing, the sun.
The KOA was full of adventure. We showered. We met Doc and Ken, two nearly-retired guys on a motorcycle tour who smiled a lot and talked to my kids like favorite uncles. They had binoculars and Harleys and humor.
On our other side was a quiet family with one little girl. We invited her to breakfast and learned they were Thai, living in Utah. Jasmine told us about third grade, spicy noodles and how she was proud of her hard-working daddy.
Back into the park, heading north this time. We hiked to the lower falls, found a shady picnic table and ate some of those spicy noodles gifted from Jasmine’s parents. We gave them some of our balsamic honey almonds. The third day was meandering and just exquisite.
We found the calmer, expansive ares of the park. We stopped the car and turned it off and walked, watched, listened.
It wasn’t long ago that visitors came to Yellowstone to hunt recklessly, to behead bison, to catch 100 trout for a photo opp, to feed bears, to trap wolves, to pour soap into geysers to encourage eruption. Lamar Valley on that day was electric and pristine and held thousands of buffalo beneath rolling clouds, next to silent, alive sage hills. It was beautiful.
Ruby loves buffalo and thinks they all look sad. Like they miss someone. Like maybe their mama.Â
We stayed in Cooke City that night with Andy’s mom who drove over from Red Lodge. The northeast entrance to the park is my favorite — it’s less visited and doesn’t have the big ‘attractions’ but I find the still beauty to be outstanding. I’ve always loved Cooke City. It’s a sweet, tiny town that is pretty inaccessible when the snow flies. We saw a skinny fox eating a fawn, we looked for moose, we wandered, we enjoyed a real bed in a motel.
Up and over the Beartooth Pass the next day. As many times as I’ve been on those mountain tops, I remain gobsmacked by the beauty. We stopped a lot and I tried to wake the girls several times. I was finally successful at the top where it was 35 degrees and it felt like we were standing in a giant palm, every pinched peak connected by Life Line, Head Line, Heart Line and Fate Line. Into the future.
I had some anxiety over an entire family feeding the rodents at a pass lookout. French fries and crackers and dried fruit and granola bars. Yes, they are cute. But, we can do better. A man told me it was “the chance of a lifetime” when I – as gently as I could – suggested the food might not be good for the animals. Chance at what? Upsetting the ecosystem to get a home video? Habituating wildlife to fried food? Teaching kids it’s ok to touch and feed critters? My kids really wanted to feed those animals. It led to a long chat about what choices our family makes and how those choices impact surroundings. Big lessons on the Beartooth Pass.
Also, in another lifetime I skied up here at this time of year. I think I’ll do it again some day but, for now, I am pretty dang happy on in-bound blue slopes with my daughters. And tree pose in front of previous descents.
Our last bit was spent in Andy’s hometown where time moves a bit slower. I squeezed in a few of my favorite activities: garage saling, running on the west bench, hanging with my family, a creek date with Margot, sitting with my mother-in-law on her back deck with gin beverages.
I’ve done the drive between Red Lodge and Missoula at least 758 times. This was my favorite. We took our time. Lots of stops at places we’ve previously zoomed past.
This trip marked a new era for our family. Ruby doesn’t struggle in the car anymore. She’s up for the open road. Margot can nearly set up the tent on her own. We all made meals, did dishes, filled water bottles from the well.
We stick together. We have so much fun. And we missed the papa who joined us the following week on another camp trip. More on that soon.
Trip Details:
New favorite kid pandora station: Alouette
Lewis and Clark Caverns Campground
KOA in West Yellowstone
Campgrounds outside Yellowstone National Park
High Country Motel in Cooke City
Beartooth Cafe in Cooke City
The Log Cabin Cafe in Silver Gate (some seriously good food. very worth seeking out. andy and I stayed there years ago; it’s also a lovely place to rest)
Free phone app for Yellowstone: Chimani Yellowstone
Free phone app for Montana state parks: Pocket Ranger
The Senior Citizen Center in Red Lodge: a really great thrift store in Red Lodge where you can fill a bag for $5 and everything is 1/2 off on Saturdays.
I love to stop at the Prison Hobby Shop in Deer Lodge. The store is full of beautiful beaded jewelry, horsehair crafts, knit and crocheted items.
Parker’s Restaurant in Drummond, MT
45 Comments
What you’re giving these girls, Nici, is something much deeper than adventure and experience. It’s confidence– independence– bravery. Motherhood is so overwhelming and intimidating. You set the best example of tackling life head on– solo. Thank you for inspiring me– always.
xo M
I made a french press of coffee and settled in mid day to read this. One of my favorites. It’s wild, a bouquet, it erupts! I love it, love it, love it. Makes me excited both about where I’ve been and where my life could go.
Oh, I love you girls!!
xo
I love this post. This is what I dream of. I wish I could stay home and work at my leisure, tending to my children and my passions. Go camping in the middle of the week, with no plan, just because we can. Someday.
If it is what you want you will have it someday! 🙂 My choice to leave my secure job made no sense on paper and I got a lot of criticism but we just *knew* it would work out. Keep thinking about it and it will manifest. xo
I love this post and….I can’t wait to do this too because…I did it! I’m leaving my 9-5 mid-Oct and I still can’t quite believe it’s happening. It’s like a dream and you have been such an inspiration. It’s been 10 long years, 2 pregnancies, 2 small lifetimes of dropping the girls off at daycares, at friends houses (“Hey, it’s Sara, are you …. busy today? Small favor. I wish I could do it myself but, my vacation time, you understand. I don’t have any left”.), the feelings of missing – deep in my heart missing.
It’s gonna be hard….no….a challenge. But I’d rather work at 2 am because the girls wanted to run around and find fairies….than to continue to miss these things I only read about.
Companies just don’t get it. I’m not sure when they will. I keep saying, we will look back at this time in 20 years and say, Holy Smokes, how friggin’ archaic. Every generation is not a cookie-cutter lifestyle from the generation before. You can’t fit square pegs in round holes anymore. And until these companies can bend and flex toward young families – so that when the families grow up, their dedication is strong and well earned – I guess we have to find creative ways to make it all feel good in our soul…and good at the…well, at the bank.
I haven’t left yet. But this morning, I stopped rushing. Yes, try the big potty. Yes, I can braid your hair. Yes, I wanna give you one more hug. No, it’s ok, go get your other bear. We can wait for you. I’m not in a rush…
Oh my word you have an amazing life! So inspiring. Thank you for sharing.
I am a newly minted SAHM. Actually, that’s not true. I stayed home with my son until he was 3 yrs old, and for several months with my eldest girl when she was brand new, but then I went back to work. My children are now (just) 9, 5.5, and almost 3, and after having a hard time finding a job since we moved to a new state, I am home with my youngest while the others are at school. And I admit, I find it hard. The summer with all three kids was difficult. We moved from a house to an apartment in the city, so we have no yard to run around in. And we’re in Atlanta where it can be miserable to be outside, so we were at a loss for what to do with ourselves. Now I wonder if I am even cut out to be a SAHM.
Okay, so I didn’t meant to turn this into a post all about me and my “woes”. What I want to say is you inspire me. You make me want to be a more relaxed mama when it’s just me and my kids and no schedule (besides nap time, of course). When I am out running errands with my little one, I let her pace dictate how long we should spend in the park/examining veggies at the farmer’s market/turning down random aisles in Target. That is something I learned from you, to not hurry our kids along if we don’t have to. And you know what, maybe next summer we will all go on an adventure. I’m sure we can put up a tent without my husband’s help. Thank you, once again, for sharing these snippets of your life with us.
You are the bravest, most amazing mom I have ever come across! How wonderful for your girls! I think I’ve told you before…you inspire me in so many ways (so much so that I now live in the country with some acreage and a few chickens haha) but the most important is how you’re always reminding us to enjoy this time of motherhood and little ones and to be true to what you believe in. Even if that isn’t what you set out to do, you do. You constantly remind me to make the extra effort, go the extra mile, and whether you succeed or not take pride and joy in the journey.
xoxo
Tatiana
Nici, thank you for writing this! I’m getting ready to turn 30 and sensing a new adventure for a new decade. I’ve been a mom for 4 years now, working full time through it all. I crave more time with my kids, and freedom from corporate America. I’m thinking I will leave at the end of the year but feeling nervous, yet hopeful. This post helps me to know that I won’t regret the choice to spend more time at home, more time with my loves. And maybe even find something that fulfills me more than this job ever can. XOXO
Nici, thank you so much for this post! I’m about to turn 30 and I’m sensing the desire for change and adventure in a new decade. I’ve been a mom for 4 years now and have worked full time through it all. I’m itching to escape corporate America and spend more time with my little loves… but I’m nervous. This post helps me realize that I won’t ever regret making the choice to spend more time at home with my family. And maybe I can find something else for myself along the way. You are an inspiration! XOXO
You make me want to quit my job, move to the mountains with my girl (14 months) and hubby just live. I love how you love life and your girls. I can’t wait to enjoy the great outdoors with her! Keep living & loving!
I love this, Nici. I appreciate Yellowstone so much more now that I have a child. It has become a favorite place for us to visit over the years. I love Milo’s curiosity and all of the learning moments we’ve had while we are there. Milo and I recently had a similar adventure (but much different in many ways) in NY. He is such a pleasure to travel with now, just like your girls. I actually thought of you and Andy while I was in NY and remembered stories about your first trip there. Miss you, girl! Glad to hear you are doing well.
Nici. Your writing is like yoga for the mind. I am usually nursing and rocking my youngest child while I read your words and I want you to know that I hug her a little tighter and gaze at her a little longer when I finish.
Oh mama. I love this visual. I do.
Your girls are so blessed and will reap the benefits of having a mom who takes them camping, hiking, learning about the outdoors and meeting new faces, just the three of you. You’re setting them up to be strong women who can do things on their own, and that is fantastic.
Making memories with your girls – making days into memories. Wonderful stuff Nici.
Best wishes from my alps to your mountains,
Ali
A post like this, though incredibly beautiful, is hard to read. You see, I also dream of spending time with my daughter, who is only 1., rather than being at work. I am a school counselor/social worker. I spend 50 hours a week taking care of the social, emotional, academic needs of other people’s children, whom I love so much. But I do it mostly because I have to but also because there is, in truth, a part of my that does it because I like it (but mostly the ‘have to’ part). I write a blog (like e’rybody else) and I cook and I dream of how I can become independent enough to afford the privilege of staying at home and taking off with my daughter because we can. I hustle, I write, I cook, I take on extra jobs outside my 7:30 – 5pm (I’m a personal chef) but it’s just not my reality, at least not at the point. And, more truth time, I consider giving all the hustle up all the time because it seems like it’s never going to happen; this world outside 9 – 5.
I know this feeling, I do. That hustle is sticky and, in our culture, it’s alluring and praised. Everyone’s reality is different, as are every person’s dreams. For me: I loved my job and found great joy and meaning in it. And then I was ready for a shift. There is a lot of talk right now about women in the home role, the work role…lots of women talking about what’s best, what’s right, what’s regrettable. I appreciate this conversation but I also think creating labels and categories is inappropriate. We are all unique creatures with unique needs and hopes and! The best part is WE GET TO CHANGE OUR MINDS.
I am an advocate for naming what life you want to live and finding that life. It sounds like you have many wonderful and fulfilling components to your every day. I wish you the best in walking the path that suits your special heart and soul.
Thanks for writing. I also appreciate your instagram comments.
xo
I love every single thing about this. As a daughter who camped and traveled with my family, and now a mama to a nearly 10 month old baby girl, I dream about taking great adventures with my girl (and her dad, and future sibling/s)… Also, your photos, words, enthusiasm, bravery, and spirit for life are inspiring and beautiful. 🙂
I love every thing about this! You are such an inspiration to be adventurous, thoughtful, creative, and so brave as a mama!
I grew up camping and adventuring with my family and have already begun the adventures with our daughter who is almost 10 months… But when I read your beautiful words, look at your gorgeous photos – I’m always even more motivated and passionate to make spending time soaking up my baby and creating incredible moments with her our priority.
You are so lovely!
~Amelia
I love your life and it inspires me to love my life.
Way to go living the dream that you had so long ago – those girls are learning that it’s always right to follow your dreams. Badass, that.
*Sigh* dreaming of this for myself…and planning to make it happen. Thanks for this. I’m inspired and more excited than ever to see it through.
Uh…mazing. Loved this post and I just might throw a tent up in the backyard this weekend because of it. It’s no Yellowstone but to my kids, it might as well be.
Yes. Adventure needn’t be far at all. Kids are great at teaching us that! 🙂
We are gearing up to head from MSO to the Oregon coast…and I’m driving my two boys (5 & 3) home solo…little nervous! Love this post – would love to hear some road mama tricks!
Gosh I feel like it continually changes around here! Tricks work for a hot second and then *poof*. Right now – at 5 and 3 – I find frequent stops makes it more enjoyable for everyone. Like, no more than three hours in the car. For me, it’s so easy to want to push through but the journey can be as awesome as the destination. Also, books and books on tape. We play car games like “6 red barns and 3 white horses” or “i spy”. You got it mama! That drive is a haul and you will get there. xo
Wow, that’s awesome! What amazing memories for you and your girls. I haven’t taken my kids real camping yet.
Nici, this is one of my favoritest posts in a long time. I am in awe of you, mama. What more can be said?
I really love the pictures of people you met on your trip. Also Ruby’s bison wisdom- she’s a keeper!!!
You are SO LUCKY to live near such beauty! If I had all the wonder within a few hours I would’ve definitely taken my cherubs there when they were little and I was home filling time with them. Wow. Just wow.
Goodness, what beautiful photos. You are making such awesome memories with your girls!
Wow!!! I Just adore Y’all!
So super inspiring!
I’ve been following your blog for over a year now and have never posted any comments, but I absolutely love your stories, your perspective, the way you raise your girls, and your spirit. Thank you for sharing these things. I can only imagine how awesome it will be for your girls to look back at these stories and photos when they are older.
I am a firm believer that people/situations/events (and blog posts!) are put it my life at just the right time for just the right reason. Last week I made some leaps to change the course of my family’s life with regards to my work, and reading what you wrote about the real life version trumping the imaginary version made my heart beat faster with excitement. Everyone’s journey is unique and I am more keenly aware of mine now than maybe I have ever been. That flexibility to spontaneously take your kids on the trip of a lifetime… and actually doing it with them… that is one of my dreams. Keep on enjoying the life you create, Nici, and thank you for sharing it.
I love this so much!
Your posts, they kill me…in a good way x
The bison look sad! That’s *perfect*. Welcome to Wyoming, by the way.
I was so excited to read that camp chores are shared: something I’m really looking forward to! I can’t wait to camp–just me and the girls–and not feel like my 1 year old is going to cruise down to the river while I’m setting up the tent. I’ve been home without the hubs for a couple of weeks. We camped on the upper deck the other night, which was perfect. And, despite all the camping we do, it was the first time I’ve literally slept under the stars with my kids. I watched Juniper fall asleep while counting stars as they appeared in the night sky. Magic.
It blows my mind that all that majestic, incredible, looks like a photo in a book beauty is right at your fingertips! What a sales pitch for living out there, where I previously considered nowhere. Sorry. 😉 Looks like such a wonderful time. Glad you are so enjoying it.
I’m so glad to hear the real version of stay at home mamahood trumps the imaginary. With the birth of my second daughter this summer I left my job of fourteen years. It’s been my dream for a long while and my husband and I have worked our asses off to get me here. Right now stay at mamahood looks like hours of learning curve nursing while entertaining a busy almost three year old from my rocking chair. But I know this is just a season and I’m looking forward to adventures with my pair of girlies. Thanks for the inspiration of a beautifully lived life. I love the idea of curating our version of such a life : )
Just loved everything. The words. The pictures. The warm fuzzy feelings from the stories. Just lovely.
Inspiring Nici. I look so forward to taking my boys on that loop. Home with a 2 month old and 3 1/2 year old is sweet and frazzeling, and your post makes me excited for our future! It also reminds me to be flexible even now and enjoy the freedom I do have. Thanks
Nici, I think this is one of my favorite posts you’ve ever written! The photos are gorgeous & it makes me really want to start driving west. It is also timely- we are planning for me to become a stay at home mom after our second baby arrives in March & I have such mixed feelings! Reading about the way you choose to live your life makes me feel more excited about the new adventure.
I would love to hear you tell more about how you help to encourage your daughters to get along. I had a lot of resentment between my siblings & I due to (inadvertent but unfortunate) ways my parents tried to “encourage” us to be more like one another’s best selves. 🙂 Anyway, I love how your girls get along & hope for the same for my children.
Thank you for sharing your life with us readers, it is always a highlight!
Kelli
This was a great one, nics! Loved the reference to the palm as you were on the pass! Perfect!
Xoxoxo! I can just imagine m and r on those Harley’s!! 🙂
Oh my goodness I LOVED this post. You are so brave & beautiful & I love how you are teaching your girls to follow their dreams by living yours. And this, Ruby loves buffalo and thinks they all look sad. Like they miss someone. Like maybe their mama. is so very true!
I feel so blessed to be able to work at home & to be there for my three monkeys… but oh some days how I long for grown up company & beautiful work clothes. Balance is an elusive old thing.
xo
Kate
Love this post so much! How fantastic you are teaching your girls to follow their dreams by living yours. You are so brave & beautiful & amaze me with your adventures. Can not imagine camping solo with my three hooligans LOL. And Ruby is so right about the buffalo – I have always thought they looked sad too. Must be missing their mamas. But of course!
xo
Kate