Last night, Andy and I sat in his grandpa Lewie’s aluminum folding chairs and watched our daughters take off their dresses and run happy, wild circles with the chickens. The air suddenly leans into the blunt edge of fall. The sun settles into the introspection and coziness of shorter days and gentler heat. Margot and Ruby skipped, howled and laughed in their undies. Our own little Goodbye Summer party.
Behind our property is a field with a giant hill (the hill on which we sled and slip and run). Last night three tweens took turns climbing to the upper fence line with a mountain bike and rocketing down at speeds I am certain their mothers do not know about.
My body vibrates with the memory of Margot hopping on her bike one night last summer. Her little legs propelling her forward, her smile illuminating the universe.
bug rides from Nici Holt Cline on Vimeo.
I also remember the training wheels. I wrote this in June 2012:
Margot just finished her first year of preschool and my adventurous, loving, outgoing daughter dug even deeper into her confidence. She knows what she can do and holy smokes she does it. She’s been flying around on her bike, keeping up with the big kids, training wheels barely scraping the ground. And I’ve been gently suggesting and sometimes not-as-gently encouraging her to try it without her training wheels. She isn’t interested. One day I explained how safe she’d be with my palm firmly wrapped around her seat handle, how I just really wanted her to try it, to feel it because I knew she’d love it. I was pushy. She obliged for 27 seconds and then screeched to have her wheels back on. She wasn’t interested, as she’d told me.
Later that day, while biking to the park we had a conversation.
Margot: Mama, why do people ride bikes without training wheels?
Me: Well, there comes a time when they aren’t needed so we don’t use them.
Margot: But, why?
Me: You know how you drink out of a sippy cup and then you grow so you can drink out of a mug? It’s like that. You stop using sippy cups when you can drink from a mug.
Margot: But I just really like my training wheels.
Me: Yep.
Margot, after a few moments: Hey mom, if I wanted to, I could have training wheels when I am an adult, right? If I like it and it’s fun?I opened my mouth to answer and didn’t say a thing. I smiled, my perspective shifted. SHE’S SO RIGHT. Why am I so invested in hurrying this thing along? When I all I want to do is slow it all down? What if she wants training wheels until she’s 15? Isn’t it all about fun and movement? Isn’t she four? Don’t we all want training wheels somewhere in our lives for the rest of our lives? She put me right in my place. Thanks, kid.
Margot peeked through the pea vines to watch the repeated descents and cheers. Andy and I exchanged raised eyebrow glances between wine sips, waiting for it.
“I’m going to go upstairs and change into some different clothes. I am going to try that.”
She was up and back like Clark Kent. She stared up at me, a constellation of freckles and those bright brown eyes that offer a portal into my utopia. “Can you please clip my bunny helmet mama? And will you come with me?”
We walked into the field, stiff grass nudging our ankles along. Her pace slowed as we neared. “Hi guys. This is Margot and she’d like to try,” I said with my hand on her bare shoulder.
Awesome! Wow! Hi Margot! How old are you? Do you need help?
Our welcome was warm and supportive and just plain wonderful. She positioned herself on her bike and I talked to her in a low, quiet voice. You just do what feels good to you. You go your own speed. You start at the place that is most comfortable…
“OK mama! I’m ready! Let go!” she squealed. I still held on. And on.
And then I let go.
She zoomed away, faster than I’d expected. Past Andy and Ruby and the tweens, into the cul-de-sac and around and straight back up, higher this time. And higher and higher. Again and again until the sun applauded a brilliant pink ovation to growth, success, joy and now.
And another little video. xo
bug biking the hill from Nici Holt Cline on Vimeo.
37 Comments
,,,cheers margot, you did it!…and had fun,,,
I made a little video too. It wouldn’t upload and I’m tired. I’ll try tomorrow! I always adore hearing from you, Rebecca. 🙂
She is so fantastic!
Cheers, Mama, too! Can’t have been easy 🙂
Lovely writing and photos of your girl flying down the hill. What a metaphor for kindergarten, Nici.
“Do one thing every day that scares you.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
Go, Margot, Go!
Oh I love that quote so much.
She is wise. Children like Margot have so much to teach us. All children teach us to live in the moment – she’s teaching us how to reconsider the future too!
*tears* I love how your writing says things …without even saying them.
Kindergarten is such a huge step…..I think more for us than them. Hugs momma.
Awesome, Margot! So brave and fun. We love living in the Slants but, oh, that hill! My boys would be in heaven,
I love this post! What a brave girl.
I love sharing a similar journey with you as our kids are almost the same ages…
it’s a wild ride, but so much fun!
So awesome! This made me smile this morning. My Ivy is will ask us to take off her training wheels and then change her mind before we can even get to the bike. I know she’ll know when she is really ready.
What a fantastic video!
First of all, I can’t think of better clothes to downhill bike in! 😉
And, wow – this brought tears to my eyes. She is so full of life. Looks like a great hill to ride!
““You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go…” – Dr. Suess, Oh the Places You’ll Go
Margot has a big brave heart just like her mama.
That is awesome! Loved the video. You are a good mama.
Go Margot go!
My heart was in my throat watching YOUR child do that! Which got me thinking about how I would react if mine wanted to try. How brave of her to want to challenge herself… and how brave of you, mama, for nurturing her to do so. I’m learning… 🙂
Look at HER! She is so gnarly. I love when I see littles screaming by me as I’m not so sure-footed. I can only imagine her on the ski hill!
That was so awesome! I could just imagine what it felt like to her. It brought tears to my eyes. Her little dress, her beautiful little girly shoes, her strong legs, her smile, the way she nodded her head yes..YES!..SO AWESOME!!
such a great video!
Holding back tears over an awe-inspiring adventure- what a gal, that Margot!
THE ultimate “Biker Babe”! complete with bracelet & sparkly shoes…a trooper you are Margot Bea….
I am so proud of you Bug!
xoxo love, Gram
Just watched again, tears in my eyes…
I hope i let my kids try “scary” stuff and foster adventure in them. So many parents don’t let go these days and I just loved seeing the joy and pride on her face!
That video was beautiful. I loved watching it so much. I almost cried. The magic your family holds and how incredible your children are is so vivid in your words pictures and videos.
Oh dude. That’s badass! Girlfriend is going to want a full suspension bike before long which you KNOW they make for kiddos now.
Way to go, bunny! You’re my hero!
Nici-
Been following you for over a year now and I love your writing. It is always from the heart.
This post was my favorite so far. Beautiful insight into the bittersweet years of child rearing.
My own are 15 and 17 yo boys and it has been a wild and wonderful ride! Enjoying you from MN!
Cheers,
Stephanie
This was sooo awesome!!! What a brave little girl:) Might be on her way to the X Games!!
Nici, your Margot grows this twenty-six year old something fierce with her old soul and solid sense of self. Thanks for inspiring even us older girls with fears of hard things, Margot!
She is so rad.
“She stared up at me, a constellation of freckles and those bright brown eyes that offer a portal into my utopia…”
Yes, that. I know that, and you expressed it so perfectly.
Love you and that family.
Ahhhh! Theres no sweeter sight than seeing your child ride off into the distance the first time they ride on two wheels. Just discovered your blog and that video made me smile on a cold and wet australian winter day 🙂
Oh, how I love this video!! This brought back so many memories of my sister and I flying down the mountain at our childhood camp on our banana seat bikes. Those were such good times! I want to thank you for your well written words. Often time’s life seems to get in the way of living and your post’s remind me that what may be important right now can wait. The moment’s that we have with our children are fleeting and won’t be here forever, enjoying them while you can is important. Thank you for the well needed nudge just when I seem to need it most
Congrats on raising a bada$$! I do mean that with utter positivity. The word “fierce” get thrown around a lot these days, but she’s nailing it. I am such a worrywart and would have been having a panic a attack in your shoes, but I truly think it is so great you both let her go for it. That is how defining moments of childhood, family life and life itself are made.
love love LOVE!!!!
Wow! Margot, you are so gutsy! My womb lurched as she bombed down there… X