joy full

I stood in my plot last night, the sun down but the sky still bright with lavender and honey. A doe walked by with her two freckled fawns. We saw her pregnant and then saw the babies brand new. We see them every day, marking the passing of summer with the fading of those white dots.

GIRLS. I whisper yelled to my daughters and they took giant tip toe steps to my side. The fawns nursed, violently pulling and biting at the doe. She steadied herself against the feast, swaying between her two babies, just on the other side of the garden fence. She then jumped straight up and over the fawns. They stumbled and followed after her. She kicked at them. They stopped and waited. She locked eyes with the fawns. She said something with her eyes. She walked, they followed, right at her side up the hill into the night. Good night.

I run in the mornings, usually pushing Ruby while Margot bikes by my side. Sometimes they don’t want to go. Usually, they really don’t want to go. They protest and hold grumpy stares as I tie my shoes and begin. I tell them I need this and we are in it together. I tell myself that they will remember riding creekside as the sun greets the day, they will remember our conversations about the difference between diamonds and crystals, they will remember a strong mama who gives all day and asks for this from them. I hold my tongue when the run is over. I want to say See! Look how awesome we all feel! Look how fun that was! Look at your smiles! I don’t. They know. I believe joy eclipses annoyance, especially when we make it so.

Ruby: Margot, is the end of the world coming?
Margot: No, Ruby. We don’t have the end of the world here. We are just alive.
Ruby, pressing her forehead together into a deep vertical crease: Hey look Margot! I made a vagina on my forehead!

The snow dumped heavy and steady for months. It melted into rivers under the bluest skies for months. Our spring was blooms upon blooms up hillsides, spilling into raging creeks. Everything slowed when the heat sauntered in, except the gardens. Roots snaking deep into the earth, greens sun saluting the warmth, fruit gaining circumference by the hour.

We haven’t had time or space to camp yet this summer and I am itching to get out there. And so we leave tomorrow, just my daughters and me. Not sure where yet; we will pack up and land where we will.

16 Responses to joy full

  1. Look at your yard! Your girls! Your life! I feel the joy-full through the screen. A big fat YES.

  2. Joanie says:

    We were at the creek today. The sun was so strong after the smoke it was beautiful and overwhelming. We are packing our house and preparing to move our home and our almost 3 and almost 1 year old. Life is good here. Summer are ao wonderful and so intense. Have fun camping. We are looking forward to eastern MT lake living next week. Good time.

  3. nicolette says:

    oh, you have such a way of telling.
    i truly enjoy.
    so much.

  4. Your blog always makes me so happy when I stop by. I love reading these pieces of your life.

    We’re finally taking our 4-year-old and 20-month-old on a camping trip this September and I think they will love it. I’m a bit nervous because we haven’t been camping since before kids, but we had so much fun on our mini vacation to the mountains this weekend that I have high hopes. Nothing better than being outside exploring the outdoors with kids.

    • dig dig says:

      Nothing wrong with high hopes! When we start there, we experience success — even if it looks differently than we had imagined. Thanks for taking the time to stop by and comment! I always appreciate your words.

  5. Stunning, perfect, beautiful, always. One question: I’ve been curious for a while, how often are you using your “big camera” these days? iphones fit your style so well…I’m just curious.

    I made a commitment to camping every other weekend this summer with my 2 and 4 year old and it’s been *wonderful*. Have fun out there.

    • dig dig says:

      I use it less, for sure. I actually take way fewer photos than I used to. On hikes and rivers and ski hills I usually only bring my iphone. But I still do haul our the big mutha several times a week. I do love her!

  6. sian says:

    Wow joy is pouring out of every photo, Thank you for that x

  7. Isabelle says:

    Hello,
    I love the fact that you take pictures of your girls but respect their privacy by not totally showing their faces in most pictures. I think they will appreciate that when the grow up!
    Your blog is beautiful by the way.
    Isabelle

    • dig dig says:

      I think about that a lot, actually. As my kids get older, the distinction between their stories/images and mine (to share) has changed quite a lot. Many photos that felt good to share years ago feel personal now (ages of my kids, readership growth, the evolution of onlineness, my own evolution and intention) and stay in our archives. That said, I don’t hold any judgement over how another chooses to share through social channels. We can all only do what feels good and right to own own brains and hearts!

  8. trbholt says:

    OH the joy in your words and these photos…I love you so Burb!
    Mom

  9. Anne says:

    Oh your home is just beautiful!! My dream to live in the lovely Montana! xo

  10. Maria says:

    That is one awesome, magical childhood you’re giving your girls. So beautiful

  11. Stacey says:

    Look at all your beautiful images of summer! I love how they are so different from, yet also so similar to ours. Summer love, for sure. xo

  12. Kate says:

    Nici! You and Andy need to go see The David Rawlings Machine play at the Wilma Theater in September. Look it up! Buy tickets! Trust me!
    Kate

  13. bekah says:

    I drifted away from blogging (and blog-reading) for a few months, but posts like this will always keep me coming back to this community.