I seem to remember (I say “seem to” because my memory is sometimes quite imaginative from when my kids were babies) people telling me – as I nursed one daughter, made peanut butter toast for the other and dreamed of a shower – that time would unfold with abundance for me in a few years. And I remember feeling like my baby orbit was already slow and breezy, as if I had cracked into a simpler pace. I know not everyone feels that way. I did.
It was the first time, since I lost my first tooth, that I wasn’t scrambling out the door with the sunrise to school or work. I was largely unflapped by mess and sleep schedules. I was so blissfully keyed into every gorgeous detail. Yes, there were HARD times but they were remedied by slow walks around the block while Ruby sucked on my collar bone and Margot counted sidewalk cracks.
Now, at 5 and 7, my kids play rock paper scissors to make their very own choices about who gets to sit on my right side when reading, who gets the flower bowl for oatmeal and who first gets alone time on the trampoline. Several times a day we hear it: rock paper scissors shoot! This system works well for them. They trust the process. It feels fair and they both win often enough to feel validated.
Life today is different than it was back then. It feels busier and I am constantly resisting the plethora of wonderful, alluring offerings to fill our time. I really dislike feeling spread thin and my kids dislike rushing from one activity to the next. It seems that in order to maintain the unstructured space we value, we have to be more and more intentional about it all. I cherish our slow walks to and from school. I like that we don’t have a tv. We gather around the table every night for dinner and try to take our time there. I have a strong desire to hold tight to these rituals and choices. Sometimes it is hard. I am human and motivated to be and do things and I can get sucked into the dizzying world of crammed hours.
I’ve been thinking about these words that I hear a lot lately: efficiency and productivity. And how it’s up to be to define these words for myself.
Efficient means preventing the wasteful use of a particular resource.
Productive means achieving or producing a significant amount or result.
I used to write here several times a week. I used to document all my garden chores, triumphs and woes. I used to create a garden map in photoshop, all color-coded and pretty.
This year is much like the last several: I grabbed a piece of my daughter’s least favorite color of construction paper and sketched out our plot. I wrote my ideas in pencil because those ideas will definitely get erased and rewritten when a friend gives me her extra pepper plants or the arugula bolts early or I decide I want to just plant tomatoes on top of tomatoes and then live in the tomato patch and be a crazy tomato lady for the rest of my days.

May 5
This is our third gardening season in this home and oh mama, I have big hopes this year. I know the sun’s path intimately. I unearth nests of fat worms with each shovel. I get lots of steady time in my plot while Ruby counts millipedes and Margot swings on the monkey bars until her palms ache.

March 15

April 12

May 4
I added a truckload of compost two weeks ago, folding the loamy espresso earth into the winter-compact soil. With each turning in, I could feel the dirt thanking me, promising me it will do its best to breath life into our seeds. The dirt and me, we have a solid partnership. But I feel like I am always working against a deficit: the dirt will always give me more than I can give it. This is where my kids come in, for I figure my greatest gift to the Mother is two humans who appreciate and advocate for the delicate world under our feet.
Peas are always the first thing to go in the ground. Usually the same week as spinach, lettuce and arugula. This year, in our zone 4, we sowed that batch in mid-March. The leafy greens were slow to come up because I kept assuming it would rain; I don’t usually need to water much this time of year. But this year, the heavy clouds roll in and linger. They feel like rain and smell like rain but they roll right out without dropping water. So I started watering regularly and sure enough, those tiny leaves exhaled right through the soil.
My husband’s grandpa Lewie always said potatoes need to be planted by Easter. We were a week late this year but I think it’ll be alright. I am giving more of my plot to potatoes than ever before, hoping those jolly tubers will last through the winter.
The girls each had a packet of their favorite seeds in their Easter baskets this year. For Ruby: Nantes carrots. For Margot: Bull’s Blood beets. We dropped the seeds in rows last month, my daughters eager to see if something Easter Bunny-magical happens in those rows. I’m pretty sure they will find evidence of magic wherever they choose to see it.
We have two new chicks on our little farm. Meet Clover Clove Biscuit and Lydia Butter. We might add just one more. Hands down, the most remarkable part of getting chicks is their relationship with Mabel. Mabel keeps watch over them, pets them and snuggles them. When the big chickens get all pecking-orderly, Mabel defends them. It has happened a few times where Mabel’s puppy paws are a little too heavy but, for the most part, we have been watching a pretty cool kinship form in our backyard.
I am trying my hardest to be present in this unusually warm and dry spring, without focus on the predicted gnarly fire season. I am feeling a strong pull to not wait to camp and hike and explore because we don’t know what comes next. But, truly, when do we ever?
rock paper scissors shoot!
24 Comments
Your writing is so gorgeous and strong . My favorite blog to read
Oh I just love you so much, your writing and photos inspire me Burb!
xoxo, Mom
I wish you’d write more often because I enjoy your words so. But I also understand why you haven’t, and look forward to reading your entries when they are published.
I appreciate your understanding! I wish I could write more too. I do. But I made a resolution this year: I only want to contribute bits that come straight from my heart. No fluff, no “oh I haven’t posted in a week better get something up.” For better or worse, I am sticking to it! It’s hard for me to find time right now but I do plan to keep up with this space.
That last paragraph. This was a soulful post.
Your posts always make me feel hopeful and inspired by the simple beauty of your life.
I feel the exact same way about your posts mama.
There is growth in this post, a wind of change. Babies aren’t babies anymore (but they still always will be of course). Changes, differences, earthly shudders, and equanimity. Your posts always bring peace to my day. I sit in a dirty kitchen but wait to read. It’s so worth it, how often or not often they come. Scissors beats paper, and rock beats scissors.
I love this post and I love this comment.
-Angie
Dang! I am wishing I had written your last sentence somewhere in my post! 🙂 Thanks for this thoughtful comment. I really love imagining you in a dirty kitchen reading my words. A lot. xo
These posts are like gifts. I saved this to read after kiddos were asleep tonight. I might reread it in the am, just for a boost of mama inspiration. Thanks for making the time to share a bit of your world and perspective. Just beautiful! I am curious about your home schooling journey…hoping that might come up again in a blog post
I remember the Photoshop garden plan days! Wow, that was a while ago.
Always lovely to see what you and your family are up to. I’ve been meaning to ask – what kind of dog is Mabel? My apologies if I’ve missed it somewhere.
Oh we’ve known each other for a long time sister! xo
The mama looked to be a border collie – pitbull cross and we have no info about the baby daddy. The litter and mom were abandoned in your neck of the woods! Our Missoula Humane Society gets a lot of dogs from California.
Lovely. Just lovely.
I love the productive photo of the couch forts. 🙂 Thank you for your words, you have no idea how valuable your perspective is.
As always, thanks for a glimpse into your life. Your writing is beautiful as is your young family.
I live a very different life to you. I also have (an almost) five and seven year old. I love reading your words, they remind me to slow down, take a breath from technology and all the other things that are here to distract us and to focus on what is true, family and simplicity.
Cheers to Seed Savers in those Easter baskets; one small perk of living in IA now is that we can visit their Decorah farm in person. It is lovely.
I love your writing and love your beautiful Mabel……her Mothering skills are abundant and its so joyful to see her interactions with the chicks…
Ah! I’m so glad to know you put in your potatoes about the same time I did. Although… I may have done something wrong, mine haven’t sprouted up yet. (They’d sprouted before I cut them up and planted them though.) This is my first year with them, I wanted to experiment, and they’re living in little hardware cloth tower/straw nests (with the dirt inside).
I love the garden photos progression. It’s so funny to see snow in April after the beautiful green March!
Your words resonate so deeply for me tonight. I love how you make larger deliberate decisions for your family and then recognize that your daily choices are the elbow grease of follow through. Thanks for the inspiring reminder of where the effort needs to be.
Our family has collectively given mighty push back to crammed days of rushing off to here or there. It’s not always easy to consciously slow it down. Know what I did? I quit my job. Yep. Still doing shelter work 2 afternoons a week because it fills me with purpose. Otherwise, the commitments and activities are being whittled down to the essential ones that truly bring joy. It is refreshing and freeing!
Taking a break from dandelioning to read my favorite blog. Haven’t gotten my potatoes planted yet but I found a bag of sprouting fingerlings which I’m going to plant as soon as our overly wet soil allows. Here in Fort Collins our driest March was followed by a very rainy April and early May. I won’t complain about the moisture, the peas, lettuce, spinach and radishes are growing abundantly. Happy Spring!
Beautiful. I truly enjoy and savor reading your posts.
The dog petting the chicks is KILLING me! <3