I looked through my photos to find an image for a friend a few mornings ago and saw all the folders of photos and words I have that I had intended to document or turn into something else in 2015. Abandoned ideas. It sent me into an obnoxious, heady space where I took not of all the things I didn’t finish last year. Yes, I know, not helpful or productive.
I felt a tightness in my shoulders and forehead thinking about all those drafts. On the one hand I am used to it — unfinished ideas, unresolved art, unraveled essays are part of creative life. On the other hand I will never be used to it — always daydreaming on how I might bend time or dust off an unused corner that allows for me to mother the way I want to mother and create the way I want to create.
solstice nightgowns (pattern here)
Ruby, on our October road trip: Hey mama? What if you had 99 arms and you could just always do everything?
Reality.
I stepped back and reminded myself that if I listen to my intuition and follow my love, then I am where I ought to be. That the “unfinished” things are as they are, perfectly. I went skiing with my family. I bundled my kids, clipped their helmets in place, kissed their freckles, snapped their boots to skis and we flew through a snowghost forest hearing only the whoosh of skis over snow and our hide-and-seek conversation around trees.
Margot, angry, playing Crazy 8s with her sister in the hallway: Ugh. Come ON Ruby. I want to win at least once.
Ruby: I just can’t help it, Margot. I am really, REALLY good at Crazy 8s. It’s all that practice with dada. I’m sorry it upsets you but I just can’t help being so good at Crazy 8s.
Learning Curve.
Andy looked up and said, “Hey babe. Look at the mountains?!” I do and the northern range is wildly warped. Crystal clear, cloudless blue sky and the peaks looked like pixelated buttes. “So it’s not just me?” he asked. We stared for several minutes, trying to sort out what we saw. We later learned it is some kind of atmospheric phenomenon – alpine fata morgana – involving thermals and bending light that creates a mirage. In this case, erasing the mountain tops and placing giant rocks floating in the sky. A glitch in the matrix.
Playing charades New Years Eve, Ruby crouches behind the tree while petting Mabel. After a good while of our unsuccessful guessing, she is frustrated and shouts the obvious answer. “You guys! Of course I am Santa trying to put presents under the tree and a new puppy is eating my cookies!”
Abstraction.
Later the same day, we met up with friends and skied down together. For the third time this season, a glittery burst of light hovered over the mountain. It felt like a prophecy, like 2016’s aura. We all stopped to marvel.
Margot, as she races down the mountain, giggling: You guys! The light pillar is following me! It feels really cool!
Gifts.
Our December was a month of family, friends, celebration, food and snowy activity. And, business-wise, December was thrilling and so full. We had record-breaking sales last year. Thank you so much for your support of out family. My goal was to work so hard until December 17 – the day before Margot’s 8th birthday and then be done for the year. To clear my desk and my sewing table and my mind and just be with my kin. And (with the exception of tying up a few loose ends) that’s what I did! It was very satisfying.
That restorative time fueled ideas and connection and the deepest sleep I’ve had in many months. I realized I am bored with some things, that I want to shake some things up. I really look forward to sharing with you what is to come for dig this chick – personally and professionally – in 2016. My dreams involve you. I want to collaborate more. Do you have ideas for great things we can do together? Email me. I want to hear all about it.
Margot, with her sister as they roll around on the kitchen floor while embracing and cackling: Hey Ruby! Let’s put underwear on our heads, get naked and dance like cats! Let’s get even crazier!
Ruby: But I already feel so crazy!
Margot: Ruby. We can ALWAYS get crazier.
Possibility.
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A few snaps and words from the last several weeks.
:: Our holiday centerpiece: satsumas + beeswax candle
:: The kids had a blast making pomanders for the first time.
:: Lots of sledding.
:: Lots of skiing.
:: Our appreciation for our new, awesome car (c/o University Motors) has deepened with the snowy weather. And, our locally owned-dealership is happy to offer you all a great deal if you are in the market for a Honda and want to support a business full of nice, sincere people with admirable values. Due to some industry rules, I cannot just tell you the deal here but you can email Toby and mention ‘dig this chick’ in the subject line to learn more.
:: The making of a wreath: old whisky barrel ring I found in our shed, foraged greens (spruce, ponderosa and juniper), wire. Almost as cool as the cocksucker. (In a post yesterday I mentioned my stalling out on a few essays lately and an instagram pal suggested I revisit that post and use that word to ignite courage. Thanks @mnmadrecita. Great idea. ♥)
:: We ate the very last of our potatoes and cabbage. Note to self: grow more next summer!
:: Mabel and George high five.
:: A sweet moment I spied of the girls waiting for grandma to arrive.
:: So much pumpkin bread. I make the Downeast Maine recipe with a few tweaks: 1/2 the sugar, fresh grated ginger (instead of dry) and coconut oil (heated until liquid, instead of vegetable oil).
:: Every year, as the holiday cards arrive in our mailbox I feel so thankful for those jolly images. I always wish we’d sent a card; I want to give the same cheer to my loved ones. This year I did it, for the first time in many years. It felt good. And I am sending one to you all too! xo
22 Comments
Beautifully written as always….your words strike to my very core!
Just made your balsamic honey almond recipe….nummiest for sure! Thanks for all that you share.
What a great recap! We loved spending Christmas with you all in your love filled home.
Happy New Year Burb!
xoxo, your mama
Oh my goodness. I just found your blog, and I’m so in love with it. I could look at your photos all day (I might). You have such a gift for writing and photography! I can’t wait to read and discover more.
Beautiful post, are the trees really that snow covered? Kansas never gets that much snow! And that pumpkin bread is the best (like I told you before!) Happy New Year!
We don’t usually have snow ghosts like this until Jan-Feb. I love them so very much! Gorgeous.
Those pictures of your family on the mountains are just flat out gorgeous. I am envious every time I see them. I always feel uninspired with the drabness of winter post-holiday season until I look at your beautiful pictures.
“…if I listen to my intuition and follow my love, then I am where I ought to be…” – Beautiful words. Nici, I hope you find the time, the courage and the way to follow that all year long. This was a beautiful post; I enjoyed it so much (especially the tree skiing girls, and your pets “high fiving”!). All the best for 2016! Alison
I hope one of these years we can spend a “Montanan Christmas” with the Montana Holts!!
As always Nici, you have a beautiful talent at sharing life in Montana!!
Love you!
Aunt Penne
Hi Nici!
For awhile I’ve had this idea in mind of a collaboration I think would work beautifully. But I never wanted to be one of those blog stalker/commenters that threw an idea your way when you already seem to have a full life…anyhow, since you asked:
It starts like this. My sister and her family adopted 3 boys from Liberia ages ago. My nephews are all grown up now. In honor of their family connection to Liberia, 9 years ago my sister and her husband, along with a few other local (Leavenworth, WA, check it out) families worked with the former orphanage director of where my nephews lived, and started a school in Liberia called The Hope School. Through their organization called The Hope Project they are helping educate as many as 1,200 students a year with their grass roots efforts. Knowing that these bright kids would now graduate high school but then what? My sister recently started a t-shirt selling business (http://www.oneshirtonegirl.com) where all profits go towards sending one of these Hope School graduates to college! Currently they’ve raised enough funds to send Deborah to undergraduate school. The artwork on the apparel they’re selling was designed by a local (Leavenworth) student, part of her senior project. They are working on selling a newly released hoodie to fund Deborah’s medical school costs now. My sister chose to focus on female students first, as they stand a much lower chance of going to college, and students interested in becoming doctors in honor of the Ebola epidemic and how apparent the lack of local doctors became!
This is turning into a long winded story….
I don’t have a specific idea in mind of how you could collaborate with The Hope Project…other than my sister is newly involved in a t-shirt making business, so you have that in common! And I think of your good heart every time I put on my t-shirt you designed/made in honor of the victims of the Boston Marathon tragedy. My sister and her heart…if you spent 10 minutes talking to her..she has a heart much like yours. If you ever feel a desire to work in some capacity with such a grass-roots, simple yet effective organization, here they are: http://www.hopeproject.org/who-we-are/about-us
I love this so very much. Thank you! I will email you. 🙂
Amazing trees!! Enjoy that beautiful snow it has just come to Vermont after a brown Christmas…deepens our appreciation though. Love your writing it’s always worth the wait as most things are!
As always, your writing and photos are wonderful. I especially loved the solstice photo and the girls waiting for Grandma. When my wife and I visit our grandsons, the older boy always sits by the window to wait for us. Ah, the best things in life!
This is so lovely! Happy new year to you and your crew. Your blog is always a breath of fresh air!
Hi Nicci,
I stumbled upon your IG this Fall (don’t remember which rabbit hole I’d fallen into) after I moved from NYC to NC and I’ve tremendously enjoyed the life lessons and inspirations steeped in candor your captions bring.
Love this post; what a great (and much needed) reminder to appreciate the moments I have more than mourn those I didn’t.
I look forward to everything 2016 brings my way; thanks for sharing a glimpse of what it brings yours!
Jennie
Nici,
I believe our family is in for a big year in 2016. We are talking about moving, changing up how we use/view money to make that happen, and I am starting to feel the itch to do something a little bit more than being a home economist.
I think travel will happen but on the ground in a local scale so that my kids can run around, feel/see/hear the places we visit, and quite simply to not be rushed.
Life feels a little bit like we are on the precipice, holding onto our bags of hopes & dreams and it is going to be a fast ride once we decide to make the leap. I am excited and a little bit scared.
I am hoping to formalize a business plan of sorts. I spoke with you briefly in the park that warm summer day about my hopes. I would love to collaborate with you but honestly I have no idea how. I will need to ponder that a bit. If there is something you are looking to do I am all ears.
I can’t wait to hear more about your 2016 plans – I am sure they will be inspiring for you and your readers!
Excited and a little bit scared is a pretty powerful place to be! Let’s ponder, and be in touch. 🙂
Happy New Year, Nici! Your pictures are stunning, breathtakingly beautiful. There are just no words. Our weather here in the East is just starting to feel like Winter. While I would never complain about the warm weather, it scares me to think of how global warming is affecting all of us.
I love your writing & hope you find time to share more often. Your words & pictures are enchanting.
P.S. Thanks for the card!
Happy new year! We’ve been enjoying such a quintessential winter in Montana, your post captures it beautifully. I’m tingly with anticipation for the coming year & all it’s possibility. Will put that collaboration question in the hopper and see what emerges!
Your words are a treat to read, thank you. I’m waiting to hear back from friends to see if anyone can CC ski with me at our local state park but after looking at your snowy photos I think I’ll just head out the door and up the road to the golf course — no Mountain Lion worries there. 🙂
Hope that this New Year brings you much joy!
We sent out the same card!! Of course, with our family picture instead of yours, cause that would be even crazier!!
Love that festive cocksucker!
Hey Ruby! Let’s put underwear on our heads, get naked and dance like cats! Let’s get even crazier!
Ruby: But I already feel so crazy!
Margot: Ruby. We can ALWAYS get crazier.
I’m totally printing this out and taping it up on my fridge or something. It makes me laugh out loud and think, “Yeah, we can.”