• about
  • blog
    • adventure
    • mother
    • garden
    • ritual
    • cook
    • podcasts
  • handcrafted / gift bundles
  • shop
  • CONTACT
  • about
  • blog
    • adventure
    • mother
    • garden
    • ritual
    • cook
    • podcasts
  • handcrafted / gift bundles
  • shop
  • CONTACT
changes
April 26, 2007

I am not going to art school this fall and I am giving myself permission to mourn that loss. I know I have a lot of great things going, but it doesn’t make it any less difficult to change directions. As my friend Jennifer would say, I have a hitch in my giddyup.

My man and I are pregnant and I am excited, sure, but I didn’t pick this. And sometimes when things pick you, it takes a while to absorb. And I fully absorbed it yesterday when I saw the ultrasound and a tiny flashing light that I am told was the heartbeat. It wasn’t an epic moment for me or it was…but not how it I am told is was going to be. It was really neat but not life changing. I felt simultaneous excitement, anxiety, love and loss.

So I am committed to not feeling how I am supposed to feel and just letting myself feel how I feel. And I feel a little sad that I can’t move to Chicago. That I won’t ever move there like I was planning: alone, wide-eyed, afraid and pulsing. Now I will move to Chicago after my husband is done with school and with a kid, a dog, two cats and a house full of stuff. It will be beautiful and perfect. Everything is different now.

And so here I am in this role of future mama and dealing with all that the universe is dealing me including tons of judgement surrounding my seeming choice to use my uterus instead of my brain.

To all you gardeners, runners, artists, moms, professionals: I declare that I choose both.

Share

dig is a mama  / dig opines  / mother

You might also like

38 things
February 17, 2016
sparkle
February 2, 2016
let’s get crazier
January 6, 2016

3 Comments


Jean
April 28, 2007 at 2:13 PM

I gotta love ya, Nicole.



Kate
April 6, 2008 at 2:11 AM

This speaks so much to my experience. A year ago I felt like I was actually almost building a career in graphic design at a small gallery, then one day I was sort-of pregnant, the next month even more, and all I knew is that I couldn’t quit. The pregnancy. But I could quit the job. For the moment. Now I’m juggling more activities and emotions than I ever thought possible, trying to do right by my girl, but learning what “I have to make time for this” (gardening, writing, reading, yoga) really means.

So glad I could read a little about your experience. A huge, green shout-out to you and yours!



j.j.
April 22, 2009 at 9:46 PM

Congrats, Nici and Andy! Much love from me, JJ



  • hello and welcome

    I’m Nici (pronounced like Nikki) and I live in western Montana where I raise kids, vegetables and the roof.

  • Join Me Here

  • shop Dig + Co

  • heirloom kitchen

    • Heirloom Kitchen 04 > Make Tortillas
      January 31, 2017
    • heirloom kitchen 03 > clean yo sink
      June 6, 2014
    • heirloom kitchen 02 > oatmeal
      May 5, 2014
    • heirloom kitchen 01 > make soup
      April 1, 2014

  • hump day nuggets

    • nuggets: put together/not put together
      May 18, 2017
    • nuggets: holiday
      January 3, 2017
    • hump day nuggets: your heart beating in your whole...
      September 7, 2016
    • nuggets: moonshadow
      April 26, 2016
    • nuggets: finally it's the first day of spring!
      April 5, 2016
    • hump day nuggets: ritual
      October 14, 2015
    • hump day nuggets: full-on(ly)
      July 8, 2015
    • putzing: deck nuggets
      June 1, 2015

  • montana

    • Into the Great Wide Open
      August 18, 2016
    • The Tree of Generations
      July 31, 2016
    • Somewhere between Elsa and Katy Perry
      August 12, 2014
    • There's Nothing To Be Afraid Of Sister
      July 31, 2014
    • ajeeb
      January 22, 2014

  • Archives



  • BLOG CATEGORIES

    Adventure

    Mother

    Garden

    Ritual

    Cook

    Podcasts


dig this chick copyright 2020 / all rights reserved / you may not take any images or content from this site without written permission