Our cat, Olive, has been missing for two days. She’s cautious, prefers to sleep on our bed and watch the world from the window. She goes outside during the day, as she’s done for the last 12 years, staying within a few feet of our home, coming in at night. So, this is worrisome and unusual and I dreamt all night last night that she was locked in a dark shed, dehydrated and sad. It’s killing me.
My kids keep looking in her favorite spots. Under stuff. Under the deck, under the beds, under the stairs. “Mama, I just know we’ll see her green eyes staring back at us when I investigate under the porch. They, like, glow,” Margot said yesterday as I stared into the fire season smoke haze, clicking my tongue against the roof of my mouth. That’s her call. She always comes to that clicking. She didn’t come.
I like the idea of an eagle grabbing her better than the idea of a car or nightmarish shed. I hate that I am imagining any of this but I am. In detail.
Andy and I lived with his mom during the summers in college. I waited tables and Andy swung hammers. There are feral cats everywhere in Red Lodge and one summer the sheriff told me that if I caught cats and called him he’d happily drive them up the Beartooth Pass and drop them off. Let Mother Nature deal with them, he beamed. I decided to do something about it myself. I borrowed live traps and caught and spayed/neutered cats with a kind hearted woman named Millie. One day I walked down the alley on my way to work and bumped into a man with a pellet gun. He told me a litter of kittens were in his basement and they made good target practice. Later that day, Andy’s mom and I snuck over behind his house and set a trap. And another and another. Until we had caught the entire litter of brand new babies. And the mama too. She escaped before we could have her spayed.
Oh they were mean, those teeny, freaking sweet creatures. Hissing and growling in their adorableness. Joan and I wore leather work gloves to our elbows and still shrieked and reeled when we reached in their box. It wasn’t easy (it took months) but we found good homes for all the kittens. We kept the loudest, feistiest, cutest one. We named her Olive.
She was so little and afraid. But she was never afraid of Sam. We’d adopted Sam (Bubbas is what we call him) six months prior. He became Olive’s mama. She’d suck his dry nipples all day long while he just lounged and purred. She never learned to groom herself, never had to because Sam cleaned her every day from then on. They hug.
I went to search for photos of Olive to post but every time I found one my gut lurched into sobs. So there’s just this one. It is enough.
We lost two chickens last week. 16 Months and Gold. We think it was a dog because the animal dug under the coop run in the middle of the day, killed two birds and left them right in our yard, uneaten. It was sad and we had a little ceremony honoring the lives of those birds. But I have to say that there was a marked difference between the death of these two versus the death of our flock several years back. This is part of it, keeping chickens. They are vulnerable creatures. We do the best we can to protect our hens because we care for them. We are responsible for their safety and also for the safety of the wildlife around here that don’t need to be habituated to chicken dinners. Even though I was much more Ranch Wife about the loss of 16 Months and Gold, it bummed me out. I’ve felt shitty about it. I am just really attached to the creatures I live with. And then Olive goes missing? Our scrappy, wild girl? Ugh. Feels like too much.
I’ve poured myself into the things I wrote about on Friday, which happens to be the last day we saw Olive. Went for a run, spent time writing, time in the garden, time in the kitchen. It’s helpful to keep on, with the guiding, meditative omnipresence of Olive’s absence. There are the moments of knowing I don’t *know* anything, the moments where I rest hopefully in all the stories shared about cats who have disappeared for a week and returned. They quickly slide into darker thoughts, the ones where all I know is the last 12 years, during which time Olive has stayed within 50 feet of her home. Today Andy, who has remained very optimistic and unworried, poured coffee and said Damnit. I thought she’d come home this morning.
I love my animals. I miss Olive. And Bubbas? I believe he misses her the most. And the kids…Oh man this feels awful. The not knowing, the waiting. I keep hearing her little meow except nobody else does. I go out on the deck and call and shake her treat bag every hour. I cry. I try to imagine her up wandering the hillside, happy and exploring but I am too damn sad to believe it. Sitting, waiting for an answer or acceptance or — the best — a pitter patter down the hall from my stripedy, green-eyed sweets.
48 Comments
ah babe. so sorry about your kitty. thinking about you tonight and glad to be the first to say, i love you and i’m here.
Oh Dig…this post breaks my heart. Hoping that Olive finds her way home safely into your family’s waiting arms.
oh. i’m sorry, honey.
i’ve been in the boat. we found her … and i’m hoping that your story ends with a happily ever after … too.
but it’s so sucky to feel helpless and unknowning. hugs to you, friend. sending wishes and prayers your way.
oh my word… now I am bawling… we have our dear cat Willow, who has similarily been missing for 8 weeks…. same thing, never went more than across the yard, is my 5 year olds best friend…we have done EVERYTHING…. read EVERY story out there about cats coming home up to 3 years later… my daughter asks where she is every day… while i try and be brave and keep up the faith… ( and all this after losing 3 chickens and my favorite horse, to old age earlier this summer…) it feels like you are writing what is on MY heart… hugs to YOU dear lady, and here is hoping and praying that Olive comes home with many many adventures to tell …
Oh, honey. I am so sorry for your family right now. I love Olive. Keep on keeping on, but every once and a while stop to feel. It keeps us real. xoxo
Oh Sweetie,
I am so sorry. I hope that she turns up safe. Not knowing what happened is the worse. I hope that soon you are posting that Olive is home.
Take care,
Tender hugs to you. I’ll light a candle for her safe return.
Sending Olive lots of “go home” thoughts… I have two cats myself and I would be beside myself if either of them went missing for very long.
Hugs.
So sorry to hear about Olive. My cat was gone for 4 weeks & it tore me up so bad. I remember too well what you are going through. I’m sending good thoughts to you all, hoping she finds her way home soon.
I have read ‘Dig’ for a couple of years now and know how much you love your family. I’m sorry you guys are going through this. :o(
Oh Nici. So sorry to hear 🙁
We lost our cat to illness a couple of months ago, and it was heartbreaking. He was my ‘kid’ before I had kids and he was one of the family.
Don’t loose hope yet though….our cat went missing last year for 10days!! After the 3rd we had rung every animal hospital, vet etc. No answers, no sightings. I feared the worse and imagined horrible things happening to him. We had given up hope, by the 7th day. But sure enough, on the 10th day…in he strides….healthy and happy! What the?! I’m sending all the vibes I can muster for a healthy return of Olive.
xx
http://blog.scissorspaperrockdesigns.com.au/
I have my fingers and toes crossed that Olive comes home soon. Our dog went missing a few years ago on Christmas Eve, and I spent 2 frantic days searching the streets, letterbox dropping, pinning posters up everywhere, checking all the pounds and pet shops and crying my heart out… and then she just turned up back home on Boxing Day. I wish she could talk and tell me where she was and what she got up to.
I have my fingers crossed that your Olive comes home soon, and that this has just been some wild adventure for her.
Oh my gosh, I am so so sorry that you and your family are going through this, Nici. I’ve always had at least one cat in my life ever since I was little and have totally been where you are – it’s agonizing. My heart goes out to you and I’m sending good thoughts your way for Olive’s speedy return. I’m sure that you have already done all of these types of internet searches on top of everything you’ve already done to try to find her, but just in case here are some good sites that I’ve found that have good tips on finding missing kitties:
http://www.missingpetpartnership.org/recovery-lostcat.php
http://www.catster.com/lifestyle/tips-find-lost-cat
http://www.catsinthebag.org/
I use to work at a pet shop back in college, Pet Emporium. I worked in the back office handling filing and coupons and shipping stuff off because we had an online store. Mostly our Jelly Beans sold, did I mention my bosses owned the Jelly Bean Factory right next door? I know, quirky, but I loved it. Any way as you know working in a pet store you see a lot of animals come and go, you get use to it. One day though I was in the office and I kept hearing this black and white cat just howling and making a big fuss, so I went out there to see what was wrong. She had food and water so that wasn’t it. I walked up the stairs to the main room and asked Michelle the animal care taker if she knew what was up. She rolled her eyes and said “oh that one, yup, she’s something.” and proceeded to ask why. Michelle said “oh well she’s hungry but doesn’t want to eat the food we gave her, she likes a specific kind of food, she she’s being all sorts of drama about it.” Right then and there I knew I wanted to take her home. We named her Lola and she has been our cat ever since. That was 8 years ago. She is snooty and doesn’t like to be touched. She will sit by you and that is how she shows her love. I’m okay with that. Occasionally I will force a hug on her and she takes her, tail twitching and all. Well what I was trying to get at is that she got out of the house one day I think two years ago. She is an indoor cat, she is curious about the outside world but has never attempted to venture. She was gone a really long time. We were all very worried. My mom was upset with me because she thought I wasn’t showing any emotion. But I couldn’t. I thought if I cried it would be real, that was it, I would never see her again. Well after about 9 days of her being gone I was taking a pee, yes a pee. And I swear I heard her meowing. And in my head i thought, well im going a little crazy. but i hear it again. And i couldn’t figure it out, it sounded like she was in the room with me. I shouted to my mom “mom! mom! i hear lola! i hear her!” and my mom said “what? that’s crazy!” but it wasn’t crazy. turns out she was under the house hiding underneath the bathtub. that is why it sounded like she was in there with me. it was echoing from the bath tub. my lovely husband went under there and got her out. so maybe….just maybe…when you say you hear her, maybe you really are hearing her and she is stuck somewhere and can’t get out. go look for her in every little nook and cranny that you can! i really hope you find your OLIVE! xoxo
Super sorry, friend :-(. Keep us posted.
This is one of the saddest things I’ve read. Instant tears streaming for you and just as many prayers.
Please come home soon, Olive.
🙁
We had a beautiful big black cat named Sinbad…he looked like your big guy. One day he disappeared just like that. We waited, searched, called him, the kids went in the woods calling him. We feared a car hit him or a coyote. Then one night at midnight a whole month later I’m locking the back door and i hear a meooooww. There’s my boy Sinbad…you have never seen a happier cat. He couldn’t get enough of us. Funny thing is he smelled like cigarettes! Olive will find her way home, she needs her Bubbas.
She looks just like our Fiona!
So hard, I am sad for your family, the unknown and waiting can be brutal. Thinking of your family including Bubbas and Olive.
I am so so sorry that your family is going through this.
I really hope Olive comes homes soon and that this will just become a distant memory xx
Thinking of you all *hugs* x
Oh, I am so so sorry. This happened to us at our old house in the country. Ella, our bobcat hybrid, our baby, our only cat allowed inside when we weren’t there, went missing. For days. We prayed and cried and searched and “kitty kitty”ed.
I went out to feed the dogs one eveningseveral days after she had gone missing, and Iheard a noise, a sad little noise that if I weren’t a musician I don’t think I would have hear. I ran around, trying tomake it get louder. Finally I zeroed in on the well house, where shehad apparently been stuck for days after we opened it to change the light bulb. Two years later, she is still our special cat. I hope your story ends happily.
I know exactly the terrible, gut-twisting sadness you are feeling right now. I am saying prayers that Olive returns safe and sound!
oh, Nici, I am so sad over this. I love my cats more than air & know exactly what you’re going through. Here’s a hopeful story.
I cared for tons of strays over the years & at my old house we had what we called a kitty compound on our side porch. There were roomy dog houses, shaded & piled with blankets, toys & always fresh food & water. A beautiful Mama & her four kittens resided there. We had them spayed & neutered but because we already had three dogs & a cat inside, they remained outside. They never strayed. Once the kittens were older, the mama, Chloe, would come by every now & then but less & less. The two boys, Joe & Mike, were the first to go off on their own but the two girls, Isabella & Ariel, remained. Until a blizzard hit one winter. I’d go out every couple of hours to clear the snow & make sure they were safe & warm but in the morning, only Isabella
came out for breakfast. There was over three feet of snow, no little paw prints & I was inconsolable.
I was sure once the snow melted we’d find Ari’s little body. I thought the worst thoughts & that first morning I took Isabella in.
I wasn’t going to risk losing her too. Days later, as I pulled into the driveway, my lights hit on a little black shadow on the roof of one of the houses. It was freezing out & there was still so much snow but somehow there she was. I heated up some food & as soon as Ari started eating & scooped her up & took her in. She was more feral than her sister but she didn’t resist. Took her only a day to get used to being inside.
It’s been over 11 years & both Bella & Ari still reside with me & my other two cats in our new home.
Cats are amazing, resiliant little creatures. I’m praying hard that she finds her way home to you.
Dig – I’m so sorry. But I’m going to share a little story of hope with you. We live on a baby-mini-farm and have several outside kitties that have claimed us. One of them is Jack…Jack spent his days on our front or back porch. He’d great us every time we’d come out and do anything outside. He wasn’t wild, which made me think he was probably someone’s cat and they just put him out and moved on. He’s sweet, a lap kitty. One day during our heat wave in the summer, Jack had been missing for a bit, maybe a week or two. He finally showed up on our porch. He was panting hard, noticably thinner, not doing well. We put a cold wet towel on him and gave him some food. He stayed for just a short time and ran off into the soybean field behind our house and we didn’t see him again. It was weeks. I thought the worst. I don’t know how old he is, but I thought the heat had gotten to him. Everyone was heart broken. We’d wander around calling for him…Jack Jack!!! But nothing. Then, one day, my son came running into the house “Mom! Jack’s on the back porch!” – I ran out there and sure enough, a healthier (fatter) Jack was on the back porch, happy to see us, but acting like nothing it was no big deal that he was gone for so long. He doesn’t spend every day on our property any longer, but comes a few times a week for visits (my guess is that another neighbor has been feeding him better food)…but he’s clean, healthy, happy and most importantly…alive! Don’t give up hope for your sweet Olive…
We had a cat who disappeared TWO separate times for 6 months. We were sure he was dead, but nope. Living the street life for awhile, apparently – or living part-time with someone else. I hope, hope, hope that’s what’s happened with Olive – and that Olive doesn’t wait 6 months to return.
I am so sad, I have no words of wisdom here…..I just want her to be found….maybe today. Hang in there honey, I love you.
hoping hoping hoping, for you.
So sorry for everything that has happened, we had a couple dogs break into our rabbit hutch, and I felt so bad because they were trapped in there and couldn’t run away because of me. I wonder if you guys could pound some rebar every 6 inches down into the ground so that you don’t see it, yet it would create an underground fence to digging predators…I hope Olive returns safe and sound…but I understand how conflicting it would be to be hoping for the best yet preparing for the worst. Thinking of you!
I’m here in CA hoping for Olive’s safe return, too. We had our old girl, Mugs, go missing for a week and it was so hard. We found her roughing it in a post hole on a construction site – very ready to come home. Any construction going on near you guys by any chance? You’re in my thoughts!
When I was 10, my cat was lost for 3 weeks before he finally turned up in a local shelter. Our neighbor had sent him there for stalking her bird feeder… oh, the suburbs 🙂 I cried and cried and wrote him letters. I gave him up to God and everything else. But then he turned up, albeit 3 weeks later. I hope hope hope this happens for you. Olive sounds like a sweetheart.
,,,i’m sad. sad for you, andy and the girls. but, i’m thinking maybe at the time of this comment, your sweet kitty-cat has returned to the comforts of her familiar home. tell us it’s so!,,,
Oh, I hope Olive returns soon, safe and sound. If she does, don’t wait for an official post, please. Just let us know!
oh dig, so sorry to hear this. so sad. sending loving energy your way.
I’m sorry. Maybe her meanness and feistiness from her kitten days is leading her home now. I hope for you.
Also, I’m sure you’ve done everything that could be done, but, fliers? or the humane society, you can list Olive on your local humane society’s webpage? They may have a facebook page too. We have one in my town, I don’t know if that’s a national thing, but may be worth checking on. Get all of your friends and neighbors to follow the humane society page. It’s neighborhood watch for our pets.
Oh, I hope you find her.
Angie
So sorry to hear about Olive. I know how hard that unknown is as we lost our puppy for two days a couple years ago and it was SO hard. And to lose two chickens the same weekend…so sad. Your family is in my thoughts.
Heartbreaking. I hope she is safe. Hugs to you and your family.
Hang in there. Hugs to you.
I’ve heard stories of family pets that take off on adventures and while their families mourn the loss of their beloved pet, they explore the world and then finally come back right as their family returns to normal life. I hope this is one of those stories–those Milo and Otis adventures that happily ends soon. Whatever the outcome, big hugs as you wait it out. He’s got quite a history. xo
When I was 8 my precious cat took off for two weeks when we left her at my Grandmas to be cat-sat for a few days. She showed up at our house a miles away looking gaunt, but happy and lived with us another 10 years. Make the noises that make her come, cook the smells she knows. She might find her way. They have 9 lives, truly!
I know so well what you are going through. It’s horrible. And you feel in pain for yourself and then more on top for your children. We lost our beloved Teddy for two weeks when he was about 8. That boy never went anywhere. He was round and lazy and loved his family. He’d been missing nearly 2 weeks when my husband woke up in the middle of the night and heard a mewing at the back door. I have never been so happy to be woken up at 3am. Good God I was sooo happy! I had feared the worst. No knowing is hideous. Teddy and his brother are no longer with us but we now have 2 other furry loves. I so hope that Olive will be home soon. Pray to St Anthony and St Francis! have you done flyers and posters? Asked people to check their sheds? Im sure you have. So sorry to hear about 16 weeks and Gold x x x
So sorry, Nici. Keeping up hope on this end. I did smile a bit reading this though, remembering you and Joan rescuing RL kittens.
Pets hold unbelievable power over our hearts…I’m so sorry. We’ll keep the candle burning in hopes she makes it home.
xo
Heartsick and so sorry for you. I am adding my good wishes and hoping all these hopeful prayers bring your Olive home. C’mon, Olive, make it home safe!
So, so sorry 🙁 Hoping Olive finds her way home to you guys. Hang in there!
~Lisa
I am so sorry 🙁
I can imagine how that feels. When my husband and I were newlyweds we adopted a little 10 week old kitten, also the baby of a feral cat. Our cat, Lucy, was the cutest and feistiest one too 🙂 After having her for only about a month, one night we couldn’t find her. She was so small and had never been outdoors yet, we thought we had accidentally let her out. We searched and searched for her all night with flashlights around the Marine base (my husband was an active duty marine at the time) and at 8 am after literally searching all night we decided to get a few hours of sleep before looking again. This was our first experience of feeling like “parents”. We were just so sick with worry, we already loved her so much. I was laying down on our couch crying when I heard some scratching sounds. I kept hearing it, and finally realized it was coming from the very couch I was laying on. I opened up the sofa bed to find our girl stuck inside!
I really really hope you find her soon xo
Nici, we had a cat that was 12 years old and disappeared for an entire year!! I was walking through the neighborhood and heard a very familiar “meow” and from behind a clump of tall weeds our Mr. Mouse came bounding out. We have no idea where he was for 365 days (especially considering he made it through a frigid Minnesota winter), but he was back and with us for six more years until he passed away. I pray your Olive is off on a grand life-adventure and will come bounding back when you least expect it!
I’ve been thinking about this very moving post on and off since I read it, and thought I should add my 2 cents worth. I once had a cat, Shadow (because she stuck to me like a shadow) who went missing. A neighbour finally noticed her after *12 days* stuck high in a tree, where she’d presumably run to escape from a dog. Such a cliche, but she couldn’t get down. So we helped her down with the aid of a ladder and she was fine. Another time she was lost for a few days having been accidentally closed up in a winter clothing drawer!
I so hope you get a happy ending to this story.
I’m an animal (and esp. cat) lover too, so I feel your pain through this post 🙁
I am hoping for peace for your family.
Oh Nici, my heart goes out to you, Andy, Margot, and Ruby – and to Alice and to Bubbas. I want to cry knowing that Bubbas and Olive hug. Ugh.
Our animals are so much more than a pet. They are family. I know a part of your heart is out there wandering in the hillside. I will keep praying.
-Jennifer