Well shit, things are heavy in the world right now. I woke up in the middle of the night last night imagining things I’d rather not imagine. Things I’ve read about this summer. You know the stories. The senselessness and heartache of humans murdering other humans.
The parts of the ocean that are so deep we can’t find the bottom? I think those go straight through to the way to the other side of planet. Like, we all see the same water.
I’ve wanted to write about it. About my fears and hopes, about how/if to talk about it with kids. In our home we’ve talked about prejudice and racism with our daughters and we have not talked about people gunned down while dancing and police killing people and people killing police and big trucks driving through gathering families. But I have not written a thing, I’ve just been thinking and reading. Studying and listening. Talking to my friends and family. Wanting to do more than just talk. I have a lot of questions and very few answers.
Mama? Nature is in charge. It’s the most powerful thing. More powerful than you or the president. Really, it makes ALL the decisions.
Of the few answers I have ideas about, I feel sold contact with the following:
- Loving the hell out of people. I am not doing self checkout at the market ever again. I am making eye contact with humans and asking them – and meaning it – how they are doing. I am spending time with the kids that irritate my kids. I am high fiving strangers when I feel like it.
- Being the best mother I can be. Giving and exhibiting the love, guts and compassion I want my children to carry on well after I’ve sipped my last breath.
- Supporting initiatives and organizations – financially and physically – committed to peaceful, loving, inclusive proactivity. More on this soon.
- Experiencing and making beautiful things. Nothing is too small to form a meditation, a comradery, a ritual of the heart. We need to write poems, paint murals, sing ballads, sculpt clay, make clothes. We need to make art with our whole hearts.
I wonder what it feels like to be the earth. I bet it feels hard.
I think all four of those tiny objectives overlap a lot; we can fold them into just about everything we do. I plan on paying attention to just that.
I went to a yoga class this morning and dedicated my practice to a family member who is hurting. While on my mat I thought a lot about hurt. Down dog into pain. Bridge into divisiveness. Warrior One into grief.
Sometimes when I snuggle with Mabel, I like FEEL Alice. It’s like she’s there. Inside Mabel or me or something.
We made garlic braids. I always appreciate working with my hands, connecting to life and kin. Garlic is one of my favorite things to grow. So easy and surprising, the first to come up every spring, a hardy stock of spicy and explosive flavor that lasts until next year.
My daughters and I created a little video of braiding garlic/braiding love into food and experience and the world. xo
with our own two hands from Nici Holt Cline on Vimeo.
12 Comments
I find myself crying a lot lately…too many “things” are out of control. I too have been thinking long and hard about this planet of ours, about a loved one who is needing so much, that only he can give to make his life better & what the solutions are…I don’t know. I like your ideas Burb, if we all can make a commitment to better ourselves this would be a good start for us all.
I Love You…Mom
There is so much love and joy in this world and this video perfectly illustrates both of those things.
You are so right , modelling the behaviour we want our kids to follow is the way forward. The internet is such a mixed bag – we need to use it to make good connections and foster initiatives like you talk about. I feel very fortunate to live in a little town on the other side of the world far away from the terror other families are experiencing and to still be able to connect meaningfully this way. Love your video – especially your girls big smiles !
That was great, Nici. Thanks. <3
Loved the video. Have not harvested ours yet. Yeah the news is depressing. I just wish everyone would live by the GOLDEN RULE…It is all so simple.
I needed that. Love the video. Braiding garlic, braiding love…..weaving all that is good into everything we do each day. A great lesson in this time of turmoil. Thank you.
Love this and needed it. I too am reading and thinking and talking. I’m smiling at as many people as I can and talking to strangers whenever possible. It helps. My heart is so full of tears that sometimes I feel stuck. Worked on an essay for an hour yesterday and got up feeling raw and exposed and just. . .sad. You are a bright spot for me. Thanks for your words.
xo
Megan
We all hate the turmoil in the world. Your blog helps readers feel better about things – just knowing that there are people like you who are grounded in their families and a kinder gentler world. Thanks as always for your inspiration Niki!
Hi Nici.
I’ve read and enjoyed your blog for years (since before Margot was Bug!) I can’t remember how I stumbled onto your site (probably something related to running or gardening) but I feel really lucky to be able to witness your hard, beautiful work as a homemaker, a business woman, a mom and a partner for all these years. I now have a son of my own (soon to be 14 months old) and your joys and struggles as a parent are newly, sweetly, salient. Thank you for letting me peek through this window into your world.
Thank you also, and this is really the reason I’m commenting after so many years of silent appreciation, for writing this particular post. I recently saw a quote on Facebook “things are not getting worse, they are getting uncovered. We must hold each other tight and continue to pull back the veil.” The truth of this is heartbreaking and resonates deeply with me. I am a Queer, white woman committed to working for racial justice and to being an accountable, loving ally to folks of color. I know that my own liberation and the liberation of all those I love is deeply intertwined with the liberation of black and brown folks in this country and in this world.
One of the things I respect a great deal about you is that you seem to allow ideas that you’re wrestling with to unfold at their own pace (maybe it’s that you’re a gardener. You can’t rush nature, right?) You seem to give yourself time to breath and ponder and let your own understanding blossom without being forced into bloom. I’ve wondered if that’s what you were doing in relation to the terrible unveiling that is happening in our country right now. Thank you for sharing with us the ways that you are trying to ground in love and the actions you are taking to work for justice. Thank you for being vulnerable. Thank you for honestly addressing the pain and fear and death that we are living with.
I believe that we, as white folks, must speak out against the violence and oppression the disproportionately effect folks of color. I am trying to name it and witness it and work to change it. I am trying to practice empathy. I am grieving and trying to lift up others who are both grieving *and* struggling to stay safe and alive. I appreciate that your corner of the internet is a place where we can read and listen and engage in the struggle together.
All the very best.
Jenn
P.S. I’ve never actually commented on someone’s blog before and now that I’ve reread what I wrote, it seems more like a novella then a comment. Please let me know if there’s comment-length etiquette that I am unknowingly flauting.
Thank you for your blog. I wish I was as creative as you!
The world is very scary right now… we need love and inspiration as you show it more than ever.
Greetings from Switzerland
Isabelle
Ur feeling with Alice is what i feel with my little son my father passed away 18 years ago and i feel him in my son or in me i dont know.but i feel him. we all need to feel more.maybe thats part of the problems these days.with all this trouble humans hurting other humans they clearly are not thinking and feeling for others at all.one by one little by little.lets hope we can all learn and teach more kindness and compassion.and love and respect eachother and live in peace.?
So much love for this. Thank you!